More Shootings Avoided

Lori Lancaster | September 21, 2006
[hidden by request]

Amy Austin | September 26, 2006
Yeah, tell me about it! What *is* with the lack of impulse control these days???

Kerry Odell | October 23, 2006
We just had a fatal stabbing at a high school in Orange County, FL.

Lack of impulse control in kids???

That's simple...look at the parents raising them. Are they teaching respect for other people and their property? Are they communicating with their children from the time they are youngsters? Are they passing off the responsibilities of raising the kids onto someone or something else? Are they disciplining their kids or expecting someone else to do it?

I worked in daycare for a few years when my son was younger to help pay bills and make a difference in some kids' lives. I've babysat children since I was 13. I've volunteered in church nurseries and vacation bible school. I'm raising my own child. I've witnessed the answers to these questions. I've seen 2 year olds who are fed their dinner every night on a paper plate in their crib with a movie on. I've seen an autistic boy taught more by the director than by his family. I've seen kids come to the facility with their pajamas only and dirty hair and bodies, under dressed for the 50 degree weather. I've seen a 5 year old boy still messing his pants because he's not taught any different. I've seen the hurt and anger in kids whose parents are more worried about their current date than their kids. I've cut the waist band of a pair of shorts on a 5 year old girl because they were so tight they were cutting into her skin. When her mom was told, all she had to say was " yeah, but they looked good didn't they??"

If you want to know why children are behaving this way coming into adulthood, go volunteer to work with kids and talk to them. They will make you smile and laugh, yet also break your heart with the stories of their lives. I've found that the most troublesome kids are the ones who simply want someone to love them, listen to them and care for them. I was drawn to these kids and often was the only person who could handle them and the only one they'd show respect for. There's no better feeling in the world than connecting with one of these kids and seeing their heart open up to you.

I'll never forget a boy named Jesse who was "troublesome" according to everyone, even his mom. With a lot of time and patience and effort, Jesse settled down and showed that he was a generous, good hearted young boy who loved to help others. I'll never forget the look on his face or the hug and thanks he gave me when my son and I showed up to his birthday party. He said he didn't think he was important enough for me to take time outside of work for him. He said none of his other teachers ever wanted to come. I don't see him anymore, and haven't for many years. I would like to think, though, that my short time with him showed Jesse that he's not a bad kid, that he doesn't have to fit into this stereotype that they place on him.

What happened to him and others like him? I don't know, but I do know they have a chance of ending up like these kids who go into schools and kill people. If "we" are going to do to anything to prevent these type of things from happening, "we" have to reach the kids and teach the kids. We have to love and respect them. We have to talk to them. Everyone knows that communication and trust are the big two in a relationship, but they don't seem to realize that it goes beyond marriage and applies to every relationship, esp. from parent to child.

John E Gunter | October 23, 2006
The main problem I have seen is that the children want the love of their parents. It's nice for others to love them, but speaking from personal experience, my wife and I have gone to great lengths to raise our grandson, but yet he still has turned into a juvenile deliquent. Granted, I don't think he's the kind of child to go on a shooting spree, but with everything we've done for him, his mother and father do not give him the love he needs.

Or at least that's my views on the subject.

Kerry Odell | October 23, 2006
Very valid point. I know several grandparents raising there kids and its always difficult. On the flip side of the coin, I know how it feels to have a parent abandon you. I've also known folks who were abandoned by both parents. Ultimately, it's the child's decision on what they do, but anyone can be a profound influence in a child's life and go a long way toward making a difference in their lives.

Scott Hardie | October 25, 2006
Very well-put, Kerry. The sooner we get over the sanctity of life as an absolute value and accept that plenty of people are not suitable for parenthood, the better off we'll be as a society.

Amy Austin | October 25, 2006
Oh, shit yeah! Great comments, all...

You know, it's kind of ironic -- the 80s were known as "the Me Generation" (and rightfully so, I suppose, with all the excesses of the day)... but now is a time as worthy as any for being called such, too. I'd like to think that my choice *not* to be a parent is so noble and worthy a cause, as I believe there are too many people on the planet (the root of a lot of our problems) and PLENTY of bad parenting examples not to follow and to commend me to avoiding *that* pitfall. Additionally... most of the people I know who understand the real work and value of good parenting (and therefore, ought to make the best kind) have no desire for the job, either!

So, in reality, what I like to think of as my contribution to society (*not* producing fucked-up kids that are a burden to society) is really probably more of a selfish decision that's about laziness and the choice to abdicate one of the duties of a responsible citizen. I am not part of the problem, but I'm not really part of the solution, either, I guess... because I don't do anything that has an impact one way or another on the youth of the country/world. But I certainly try to have a positive impact without going out of my way in volunteer efforts. I just can't help but feel like if I had the time/energy/inclination to reach out to anybody's children, it would be my own! But again... I'm of the mind that procreating in order to make that type of contribution is just as (or more!) selfish a decision as any to stay out of the lives of kids altogether. My sister is a good enough mother to my nephews for both of us, I feel. ;-)

Denise Sawicki | October 25, 2006
Have you seen this web page, Amy? Anyway I don't want kids either, for similar reasons...

Amy Austin | October 29, 2006
No, I hadn't seen that, Denise... I will have to send that to my other friend, Denise (I've mentioned her here before, I think) -- she is vegan and childless by choice, too... I think she'll dig this movement. ;-)

Tony Peters | October 29, 2006
that looks good to me...not that I don't like kids, I just prefer other people's kids that way I don't have to have them in my house at night...

Scott Hardie | November 16, 2006
Whatever keeps more screaming brats from bumping into me while they run down the aisles of the local Publix, I'm happy.

(If you wonder why Florida has so many cranky old men, it's because people move here in their twenties and become them overnight.)

Aaron Shurtleff | November 16, 2006
Ha! Go to Wal-Mart, Scott. That's where the truly ill-mannered children are to be found in Florida. ;)

Michael Paul Cote | November 17, 2006
Why is it that you need a license to: Fish, drive a car, own a dog, transmit on a ham radio, get married and probably any number of other things, but not to have kids? Am I missing something?

Scott Hardie | November 18, 2006
Aaron: Some truly ill-mannered adults too, from my experience.

Mike: Because religion will fight any legislation that stands in the way of procreation. Having children is of course every person's right, but so are fishing and driving and owning a gun and getting married, and in those cases licensing only helps to make the process safer and better-documented for everyone participating. The day that bearing offspring requires legal permission will symbolize a loss of power over public affairs by the righteous faithful, and for that reason if no other, I welcome it.

You need a license to own a dog? Really? Sheesh, I'm sticking to cats.

Kris Weberg | November 19, 2006
Well, you needed a license for the dog in most places prior to leash laws.

But as to the other issue, the one Michael raises: how, exactly, do you stop people from having sex?

Amy Austin | November 20, 2006
You don't... or else "they" would have done so long by now! But mandated BC on the other hand... well, that just goes against "God's plan" -- because apparently, He has one for everything but parenthood! ;-P

Tony Peters | November 21, 2006
I'm with Mike some people should not be allowed to reproduce regardless of the laws or lack of them.

Michael Paul Cote | November 21, 2006
I'm not suggesting stopping people from having sex (God forbid) but maybe a good educational program on rearing children prior to the fact, psych testing to protect the as of yet conceived child, I don't know the more I think on it the more science fictionish it seems to be able to control who breeds and who doesn't. Perhaps a test of some sort would be able to determine what kind of parents people would make. I remember my ex wife and I had to take a test prior to getting married in the church, don't know exactly what the test meant, but it kept the priest happy.

Scott Hardie | November 24, 2006
Depending on who you ask, China achieves population control with either propoganda and economic incentives, or forced abortion and sterilization. I don't think we want any of the four.

Amy Austin | November 25, 2006
I don't see anything wrong with propaganda and economic incentives... after all, we've already got that on a million other less worthy things!