WELL. What a fun couple of days! >:( (This emoticon denotes annoyance, disturbing thoughts, anxiety, and the utter lack of noses...and sarcasm...but only a touch of sarcasm)

At Dr. Coo-Coo's yesterday, I got started on a little test called the Minnesota Multi-phasic Personality Index (or, as I will mercifully refer to it from now on, MMPI). It's actually the MMPI-2, blah-blah, etc. There's lots of info on the internet, as if anyone really cares. It's kind of a personality test, which also helps to signal any possible "quirks". (NOTE: "quirks" is Aaron's way of not saying "tendencies towards being bat-shit crazy") Anywho, I was looking up some things on the internet, and of course, I've freaked myself out. It seems, from my limited research, that this is a test for (more or less) for really coo-coo people. I base this on the fact that there is a different test (California Personality Index or CPI) which is more often used for non-psychiatric purposes. So, already I have a bad feeling (not that I didn't already...:) ). Then, there are different questions which show different things (duh). They give examples and what they might mean. Well, of course, some of them are questions that I answered, and I gave the "wrong" answer. So, now I'm thinking about that kind of stuff. What if's, you know? I have to finish the test next Tuesday, and then (due to the holidays) it'll be two more weeks until I find out what the results look like. So, a good month to worry and obsess. Yay! :P

Also, and I put this here in case my wife is reading this, which I doubt, but I did say I have a blog, so you just never know, I've actually answered every question totally honestly. I know what you all are thinking, "What's the purpose of going to a psychotherapist if you're not going to come out and tell him everything that might be an issue?!" And to you people, I say, "F&*k you! You don't know what I got. You don't know what I'm holding back. You don't know what the consequences might be (neither do I, really, but that's not the point, and this is my blog, not yours!)" Nevertheless, I guess it's moot now, since I'm more-or-less fessing up. I hope. Besides, if Dr. Coo-coo suspected that something like this might be an issue, he would have asked, right? Just because I don't volunteer the information, doesn't mean I wouldn't have said something had I been asked. Really, I'm seeing Dr. Coo-coo for a recent development, not something I'd lived with and dealt with for years. And while I readily admit that those past experiences might shed some light on the recent stuff, it also might not, and I don't see why I have to possibly put myself way out on a limb for something that I feel I have under control.

I don't know. My mental issues don't make sense to me, which is probably how it is for us crazies. Who can say? Well, I guess Dr. Coo-coo!

And, yeah, I know that a standardized test like this is only part of the story, and that it also must be taken in light of other factors which tests cannot account for. This is could be much ado about nothing. But what if it's not?

Well, I've spilled out my guts...or my head, I suppose. I'm not really looking for replies, so please don't anyone feel that if they don't put in a sympathetic note, I'll hold it against them. I will, but don't feel that way! ;)

And besides, I'm not threatening to gouge anyone's eyes out with a pen, so I got that going for me! :D

Song of the day: "Room With a View" by Death Angel. It's about a guy in an asylum, looking out on the world. Or so I've interpreted it. Fits the mood right now.

I hope I don't get institutionalized.

Song of the day for tomorrow: "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies!

I'm not crazy!
You're the one that's crazy!

Six Replies to 13-XII-2006, or MMPI has nothing to do with Tom Selleck

Denise Sawicki | December 13, 2006
Hi there... They made my brother-in-law take that test and another one for a school related thing. Anyway he came out diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which we're not so sure is accurate. I wish I could take that and get diagnosed with something. This sounds awful but it would be nice to have an "excuse" for how I am. Good luck with that, I doubt you'd get institutionalized :) I've said all kinds of nutty things to mental health professionals and I never got institutionalized, however, I do believe they're more forgiving of nuttiness in females...

Scott Hardie | December 14, 2006
I've taken personality tests for psychiatric purposes as well, and they seemed like the height of bullshit to me. Shown a picture of a person in a situation, I was told to make up a story about the person, and possessing an imagination I made up some flighty stuff. I began to reel it in when the doc started asking all kinds of questions about how I was like the character in the story, even though common sense said I'm nothing like it. There's no science to these tests except guesswork and the speculation that they might possibly reveal something, but if we're going to speculate on one's subconsciousness then anything might possibly be true. It was a waste of money and that's why I call it a con, although I'm sure many of the people administering these tests believe quite well in their veracity.

Anyway, um, I was going to express hope that you're not diagnosed with something loony, but I can't think of a way to say it funny. You know what I mean.

Lori Lancaster | December 14, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Aaron Shurtleff | December 14, 2006
Asperger's? Isn't that like the high-functioning autistic-type, which a lot of savants and geniuses have? If so, that wouldn't be the worst thing to be diagnosed with! But, yeah, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better to be "something", too. I don't know though. I think the negatives of having a "diagnosis" might outweigh the positives. Although the handy excuse would be nice if I do something terrible. hehheh. >:)
As far as tolerance of "nuttiness" in females, I think nuttiness is more "expected", classically, in females. Isn't that where hysterectomy, originally, came from? Or that might be one of those urban legends that I picked up somewhere...

Scott, I know what you mean, on one hand, but I can't get it into my brain, you know? There's like a "logical disconnect", where I can hear things like that, and I can feel that I shouldn't worry about it, but that thought doesn't penetrate into the part of the brain where things people honestly believe goes. That probably makes absolutely no sense, but I am discussing my craziness after all, so there it is.

I wish I could describe a story based on a picture!! That would be more fun than 567 true/false questions!

And I don't want to be diagnosed with something loony, either! Would I still be welcome to visit the PS3 if I were loony? :) Assuming I'm not locked up, of course! :P

Lori, they have questions built into the test (I probably shouldn't know this, being halfway through it, but...) to detect people who might be intentionally trying to outfox the test (either positively or negatively). Of course, I guess if you know that, you can try to be subtle in your outfoxing and get by. I don't have time for any of that! :)

And it's not a crime, per se, to be a nut-job (although the nutty actions might be!). I mean, the bottom line is that I'm going to a therapist to work through an issue that troubles me. If I had no problems, I wouldn't be in this situation. If a diagnosis helps me in that way, I should whole-heartedly embrace it. Doesn't mean I can't dread it at the same time, though! I don't want to present myself as a normal person being persecuted for being a little off. I'm where I need to be right now, I think. Just obsessing over the future.

Amy Austin | December 31, 2006
Ahhh, Aaron -- you're driving *me* crazy (institutionalized) -- why didn't your mother just give you a frickin' Pepsi???

Close, on the hyster... -- but no cigar. It isn't "hysterectomy", but the term "hysteria" that you are thinking of. (I had the same response to what Denise said, too, btw...) Back in the days of old medicine, it was thought that lunacy (a moon-induced craziness) -- well, okay, really just flightiness and unstable temperaments (so often exhibited by females, doncha' know) -- had something to do with being female... specifically, the uterus (that quintessentially female part!)... hence the word "hysteria"... which shares the Greek root hyster with "hysterectomy" (the cutting out of the guilty female organ, I suppose). So, there you go. Your problem is obviously hysteria... case closed.

Aaron Shurtleff | January 17, 2007
Isn't Hysteria the love of Def Leppard? If so, sign me up! :)


Aaron Shurtleff uses this area as a dumping ground for his random thoughts... Read more »

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21-XI-2009 or *sigh*

Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck. Go »

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Bonus post: Things I Think I Think

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