Brenda is under quarantine now because of an ablation procedure that makes her radioactive. Some stray thyroid tissue is apparently on her oncologist's hit list and he won't be denied. I'm sleeping on the couch for the next three nights and I'm doing the Daddy thing solo for the next three days. Washing dishes, doing laundry, grocery shopping, housecleaning, meal preparation, etc. I can do this because Brenda will owe me big-time. I can probably milk this for a couple weeks after I tell her how exhausted I am just because of her silly cancer treatment. This is actually a fairly minor thing for her and she'll be back to her normal robust self soon. And BTW, I actually do half of the aforementioned chores normally just not all of them by myself for the whole household.

Day 1 - Baths. Where's the stopper for the tub? Stop all that splashing - now my shirt's all wet! You're gonna have to wash your own fertile parts to avoid me needing therapy. Which towel do you get, duckies or Barneys? What's this loufa for, seriously? Is there an instruction manual for this? Where's the Advil?

Nine Replies to As The Firm Sang - I'm Radioactive

Steve Dunn | February 11, 2012
Hey man. My wife is an endocrinologist so let me know if you want a consult or informal second opinion on whatever situation you've got going on. I accept payment in Pirate Paradise gold.

Scott Hardie | February 11, 2012
No jokes about how this dose of radioactivity will turn her into Supermom? I hope she recovers well, and soon.

Steve West | February 11, 2012
Thanks for the well wishes. The radioactivity backfired on the superhero level. She's listened to my housekeeping reports and suddenly morphed into some kind of Martha Stewart-like supervillain. When I told her we were out of gingham she went crazy and with her super-strength picked me up and shook me like a dog. I have explicit instructions on what to pick up from the craft store for a New England Valentine bear on my way home from the emergency room.

Steve West | February 12, 2012
Day 2: Olivia, I apologize for what I did with your hair. I thought that those two pony tails pointing in opposite directions looked awfully darn cute, myself. Took the girls grocery shopping with me. Having Lauren do LeMans with Olivia in one cart while I shopped with another was pretty effective. Apparently you cannot get a Happy Meal in Bowie at 10:50 AM because they're still serving breakfast. I asked if the chicken nuggets were locked in a timed vault refrigerator or something. Snarkiness got me nowhere. How do two girls go through so much clothing? I've been wearing the same stuff for three days now. My universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons, and morons right now.

Scott Hardie | February 12, 2012
A McDonald's that still serves breakfast at 10:50? Kelly will want to move to Bowie now.

Steve West | February 12, 2012
Recent conversation with Brenda:

me: You know, I've been thinking about that radioactive/superhero thing.

Brenda: And..

me: Well, Peter Parker became a superhero after he was bitten by the spider whereas you took an oral med only.

Brenda: Your point being...

me: I'm thinking that if you bit me, I would gain those super cool superpowers that I've always dreamed of having. But I have to be bitten in a certain marital way if you know what I'm sayin'.

Brenda: If I bite you then I'm taking pieces with me.

me: Never mind then.

Steve West | February 13, 2012
Day 3: Olivia had a meltdown in church today - I think because of Brenda's absence but I'm rarely 100% sure of anything related to that child. Took a bit to calm her but she was okay for the rest of the day. I made sure to get her Arby's curly fries (her absolute favorite) to ensure her good mood. Not trying to bribe the child, merely a distraction maneuver. So many people called to offer to provide dinner for us that I was almost insulted. I can handle dinner. Pizza Hut is right around the corner for Pete's sake. But we got a nice homemade stew out of it anyway. I do appreciate everybody's concern for Brenda and the girls. Overall, I'll give myself a B+.

Aaron Shurtleff | February 13, 2012
Aw, man! Now I want curly fries from Arby's!

Glad to hear you are making it through your time. I hope it affects your PP playing in the match that we have together! ;)

Also, Scott, (not to keep you from going to Bowie) but the McDonald's here in Saint Petersburg are the same way. Since my weekend shifts start at 11:00 am, I can promise that there is nary a lunch item to be gotten until 11:00 sharp. No exceptions. :(

Scott Hardie | February 14, 2012
Why does every conversation on this site eventually become about McDonald's?

I miss Hardee's curly fries. They were soft and moist, unlike the hard and crunchy variety sold at Arby's.

You may have heard about Pizza Hut's publicity stunt for Valentine's Day. I wondered if I could possibly spend $10,010 on Pizza Hut over the course of my entire life. Then I remembered that just like Steve, I lived around the corner from a Pizza Hut for five years. By my estimates, I spent $2925 there. They should have been proposing to me.

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Never Volunteer, Dummy

Ever since seeing Anthony Hopkins in Magic, ventriloquists and their evil dummies have given me the creeps. This guy does as well but I laughed nonetheless. I think I could sit through his entire act but could never get past the queasiness and actually volunteer like this guy did. Go »

(Insert Movie Title) 30 seconds Re-Enacted By Bunnies

Not a new site at all but one I hope everyone will enjoy if you haven't already. If you've seen it before, hope you'll find something new. Very clever re-enactments if only for the editorial difficulty in condensing a film down to 30 seconds. Go »

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Al Jolsen Meets The Handmaid's Tale

Brenda went to a local clothing store which I refuse to name so as not to give them any free advertising. I'm a little pissed at them right now. She bought Lauren some new clothes for school including a new pair of jeans for $15.00. Go »

Odds And Ends (Definitely Odds)

Strange and wonderful stuff. Video of the week 1: Perfectville - Population 1 Nouvelle cuisine. Stuff a hamburger up your tailpipe. Go »

Where's The Winch?

We took the girls sailing today. Unlike last year, Olivia did not throw a winch handle overboard because of our diligence in preventing it. The sailing is still free because of the heart of the owner who offers this once a month during the summer. Go »