Bowie is just a hole-in-the-wall kinda town but it's full of proud residents. I like it a lot. But man, we've got quite a few odd businesses.

Number one on the hit parade is a place named the Cat and Dog Veterinary Referral. They don't accept patients. Only referrals. I was very confused by their business name thinking that there's no way a place can stay in business if their raison d'etre is to refer you someplace else!

Bowie was founded a thousand years ago by the Belair family patriarch and the mansion they lived in has been converted to a museum. I've never been there. I didn't actually know where it was until a few years ago. Yet there's a museum on the ground floor with a gift shop. Who's paying for all this? It seems to be a county site so the answer is I'm paying for it. I'd prefer my tax dollars go to buying the volunteer fire department a new truck. But my funds apparently are diverted from nonsense like that to make sure the stupid Belair Mansion museum doesn't run out of fuzzy dice with "Welcome to Bowie" emblazoned where the one pip should be.

Speaking of pretention. We actually have a private club called the Bowie Tennis and Bath. The name hearkens back to the days when a private swimming pool was called a bath instead of the festering urine pool that all public pools are when patronized by rich little turd-droppers minded by their illegal immigrant nannies. The nannies don't bug me too much - it's actually the name.

We have two dog "parks" that are no more than a 50 x 200 foot bare patches of unused yards surrounded by chain link. Not only are there no doggie type carousels or whatever dogs romp on, there are no trees in either place. How can you have a park with no trees. Especially a dog park. Hello?! They're dogs! They do have decorative dog poopy bag dispensers and receptacles that are expected to be emptied by county vehicles. How'd you like that job?

I'm ranting just a little here so I'll stop before I talk about the U-Store-It place that I'm convinced is a serial killer hideaway or our City Hall that rents out space to the local cable company instead of giving it to the local town cops desperate for space.

God, I love this town! Seriously.

Three Replies to How Many Strange Businesses Can One Little Town Have?

Scott Hardie | December 12, 2009
What would Garrison Keillor make of UOAS?

Steve West | December 12, 2009
If I'm lucky, maybe a nice rug for the library?

Erik Bates | December 12, 2009
I was at the Fabulous Fox Theater here in St. Louis a few weeks ago (my girlfriend sings with the symphony chorus, so I get cheap tickets through her) and I saw a photo of Garrison Keillor on the wall in one of the hallways.

I want to go to a taping of Prairie Home Companion like you wouldn't believe.

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