Bowie is just a hole-in-the-wall kinda town but it's full of proud residents. I like it a lot. But man, we've got quite a few odd businesses.

Number one on the hit parade is a place named the Cat and Dog Veterinary Referral. They don't accept patients. Only referrals. I was very confused by their business name thinking that there's no way a place can stay in business if their raison d'etre is to refer you someplace else!

Bowie was founded a thousand years ago by the Belair family patriarch and the mansion they lived in has been converted to a museum. I've never been there. I didn't actually know where it was until a few years ago. Yet there's a museum on the ground floor with a gift shop. Who's paying for all this? It seems to be a county site so the answer is I'm paying for it. I'd prefer my tax dollars go to buying the volunteer fire department a new truck. But my funds apparently are diverted from nonsense like that to make sure the stupid Belair Mansion museum doesn't run out of fuzzy dice with "Welcome to Bowie" emblazoned where the one pip should be.

Speaking of pretention. We actually have a private club called the Bowie Tennis and Bath. The name hearkens back to the days when a private swimming pool was called a bath instead of the festering urine pool that all public pools are when patronized by rich little turd-droppers minded by their illegal immigrant nannies. The nannies don't bug me too much - it's actually the name.

We have two dog "parks" that are no more than a 50 x 200 foot bare patches of unused yards surrounded by chain link. Not only are there no doggie type carousels or whatever dogs romp on, there are no trees in either place. How can you have a park with no trees. Especially a dog park. Hello?! They're dogs! They do have decorative dog poopy bag dispensers and receptacles that are expected to be emptied by county vehicles. How'd you like that job?

I'm ranting just a little here so I'll stop before I talk about the U-Store-It place that I'm convinced is a serial killer hideaway or our City Hall that rents out space to the local cable company instead of giving it to the local town cops desperate for space.

God, I love this town! Seriously.


Three Replies to How Many Strange Businesses Can One Little Town Have?

Scott Hardie | December 12, 2009
What would Garrison Keillor make of UOAS?

Steve West | December 12, 2009
If I'm lucky, maybe a nice rug for the library?

Erik Bates | December 12, 2009
[hidden by author request]


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Halloween Is For The Dogs

Last year for Halloween, I took all of Lauren's stuffed dogs and sewed their mouths to parts of my shirt and pants (with fake bleeding cuts on my arms and face) and went as an attack dog trainer. This year, I need to adopt or at least rent a dog so I can dress it like this for Halloween. Holy Kibbles & Bits Or this... Go »

What Is This, Miami Beach?

Once again, I have to preface this by saying South Dakota snow stories are much more impressive, I'm sure. But here in DC it doesn't get much heavier than this. A couple of feet in a two day period left a lot of snow to be shovelled out of the way. Go »

The Colossus Of Roads

I am getting so sick of commuter traffic. Forbes magazine has Washington, DC listed as #3 on the Texas Transportation Institute's Worst Cities for Traffic list and I can't disagree. The bulk of that rating comes from the deteriorating infrastructure within the city which doesn't affect me much. Go »

F* You BAFTA

The Mickster didn't say F* you to BAFTA after winning their best actor award but did have a vulgarity filled acceptance speech reminiscent of Russell Crowe. Come to think of it, Russell Crowe lost the Academy Award that year to Denzel Washington. An Oscar worthy role in A Beautiful Mind lost to an Oscar worthy actor in Training Day. Go »

See You At The Pole

At the end of my college career, I walked on the campus of the University of Maryland for the thousandth time. Near the chapel, in front of an administrative building, stood flagpoles bearing the flag of the State of Maryland flying slightly lower than the flag of the United States. Annually, in September, students are encouraged to gather at the flagpole of their school and pray, an event called "See You At The Pole". Go »

Crazy For You, Baby

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: You know how crazy I am for you? Brenda: Crazy enough to raise three kids. me: I'm crazy enough to ignore the voices in my head when we talk. Go »