So you've been abducted by aliens. How on Earth (literally) are you going to get back home? Fortunately, you are a forward thinker; a planner; an "any room I enter I have an escape route" thinker. You have obtained "Location Earth" dog tags. Wear these babies and never worry that E.T. won't remember from where you were absconded. Check out that money back guarantee!


Two Replies to Turn Left At Alpha Centauri

Jackie Mason | September 17, 2007
[hidden by author request]

Amy Austin | September 17, 2007
Haha! YES!!! Finally, that perfect gift for the guy/gal who has everything... In fact, I'm going to send one to Ed on his current deployment -- I *know* he will be grateful. ;-)

(And hey... if he gets abducted and doesn't make it back, I get my $12.99 back? What a bargain!)


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Who Needs a Karate Ghi?

Have you ever been in a position where you've had to choose between designer jeans or practicing jujutsu? Now your problems have been solved! You can have both. Go »

Dumb Celebrity Quotes

Anyone can say something stupid every once in a while, of course. But the celebrities featured on this website sure seem to make a habit of it. Only one quote per customer but they probably make up the usual suspects in the dumb quote hall of shame. Go »

Where's the Luxury?

I'm sitting in a luxury suite at FedEx Field watching the Wahington Redskins play haplessly against the San Francisco 49ers. (Redskins missed FG) There's more cheering happening for SF than Washington which is typical lately. Dee Fence! Go »

Halloween 2015

A pretty fun time again this year. My brother and his wife hosted a costume party and because Cheryl is a breast cancer survivor, she requested that each costume contain a touch of pink. I carried around a baguette and sang I Want to Rock 'n' Roll All Night in French (Je veux du rock 'n roll tour le soir, et jeter tour la jour). Go »

Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues

Weekly shopping or as it has become, my weekly stroll through Satan's marketplace. I consciously avoided UOAS's line and since there were only two lines, chose the one next door. Let's call this one Slightly Less Ugly On A Stick. Go »

I Tap My Magic Wand

This is just the coolest fountain. It may appear photoshopped but this actually has a pipe hidden within the water flow that supplies the water. I really have hopes that when I buy "Barbie's Dream House" (the euphemism my daughter and I use for our future house), a smaller version of this will be in my library. Go »