I Hate Pigeons (And You Should Too)
by Adrianne Rodgers on September 11, 2006
Pigeon - An overweight urban dove with an iridescent neck and funky little head movements, commonly imitated by dancing humans.
Why you should hate them : Their cooing sends a dread through all humans, because if you can hear it, it is probably near enough to be decorating your property with disease-ridden droppings.
There is no escaping them, as they inhabit cities world-wide. Their favorite activity is frigging up the ornate facades of well-designed buildings. Aside: Why is it called a building if it's already been buitl? It is the non-insect equivalent of a housefly, in that it feeds on the most disgusting filth imaginable, and it frequently flies away when alarmed, only to return to THE SAME &(%*&*&%%&**&% SPOT seconds later. It also kisses up unstable people just for the food. It mocks the accomplishments of great historical figures by perching heedlessly on their plaster heads. It tries to appear on national T.V. by landing on fields and gridirons mid-game. Furthermore, a nameless terror can be brought about by gazing into the eyes of a pigeon.
AdriRant
Adrianne Rodgers complains about life and all its little nuisances. Read more »
I Got Tuna Fish In The Mayonnaise
Which is far worse than getting jelly in the peanut butter. The spot of tuna has begun to fester and spread, leaving a repulsive brown stain. Lunch is ruined. Go »Why Squeezeable Bottles Suck....
Scott's right, it would be hard to get tuna into them. But why oh why oh why oh why must they design those bottles to be so evil? You squeeze and squeeze them, and they only make farting sounds. Go »Dangit!
Newest goo! Totally asinine guess! Realized I was wrong after I'd had the guess confirmation thingy! Go »A Letter To The Director
Dear Uwe Boll. Stop it. Oh for the love of god please stop it. Go »Two Obnoxoius Teenage SubCultures
Goths vs. Emos...this isn't going to win me any friends in the high school set.... Go »
