Newer Neighbors Upstairs
by Scott Hardie on August 11, 2007
"That's the fucking truth!"
"You're a fucking idiot!"
"Shut the fuck up before I slap your ugly head!"
"Get the fuck back inside a get me a fucking beer!"
Life isn't so grand here at this upscale, expensive colony. When I moved in here two years ago, this was one of the most expensive apartment complexes in town, a gated community full of yuppies and families. You didn't have to worry about dings on your car because everyone was too careful with their imported sports cars and luxury sedans. The only noise pollution was the sounds of children laughing as they played in the playground. The couple above me was a friendly, married pair of medical professionals who were rarely home and slept all the time when they were. In a neighborhood like this, *I* was the riffraff, the young single man who had friends over until midnight to watch TV. Living here wasn't perfect; across from me was a snippy young couple who wouldn't give me the time of day, but today they would be the least of my worries.
It's been almost a year since new neighbors moved in above me and proceeded to STOMP STOMP STOMP every footstep. Near-nightly parties until the wee hours became the norm, and not just on weekends. Loud music, shuffling of furniture, and endless shouting were my companions many nights as I tried to fall asleep. While I looked forward to the anniversary of their arrival in the hopes they'd leave without renewing their lease, I couldn't help but notice a slide in the rest of the community around me. The luxury sedans were replaced by beat-up old pick-up trucks with obscene decals in the windows. The laughter gave way to throbbing bass beats and car alarms.
Tonight I came home to new neighbors above me to the side; I won't hear their stomping, but I've already heard their drunken, loud, obscene argument on the screened porch, which has been going for five hours now. They're fraternity brothers, standing in public view wearing nothing but crumpled baseball caps and low-hanging cargo shorts, waving their beer bottles as they shout their favorite four-letter word at each other from mere feet away, oblivious to foot traffic below.
On the surface, the apartments haven't changed at all. They're still immaculately maintained and cost a fortune, and you never spot a piece of litter twice. How have I wound up surrounded by obnoxious scumbags? I don't know where I'm going to go next, but I know it's going to be a house, preferably with a big lawn all around it.
Five Replies to Newer Neighbors Upstairs
Jackie Mason | August 12, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Lori Lancaster | August 12, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Lori Lancaster | August 12, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Tony Peters | August 13, 2007
When I first started dating my wife we lived in this semi gated yuppie condo complex neighborhood in San Diego. One summer night really really late we are all trying to sleep and this guy and a girl are going at it....not a big deal except that she's one of those moaner/screamer types whole seems to take forever to cum (or he was just really bad we never found out) anyway her cries went on for a good 30 minute before I couldn't stand it anymore and yelled out the window at the top of my lungs (and I can yell LOUD, ask Amy) "Just make HER cum already so we can all go to sleep" Suddenly after a moment of quiet there is a good 30 seconds of applause from the rest of the neighbors. We never heard her again (poor woman) but we saw her for 4-5 months afterwards
Logical Operator
The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »
Thank You Mario! But Our Princess is in Another Castle!
(link) Go »Kids Again
Kelly is a big Kids in the Hall fan, so I bought her tickets to see them for our first anniversary. And since they were playing at Universal Studios in Orlando, we decided to make a day of it at the theme park, which became a whole weekend getaway. And since I like sharing my opinions at length on the Internet, here's what I thought of each part. Go »Crying in Baseball
Kelly and I won tickets to see a Tampa Bay Rays game in a deluxe suite last night. We've been excited about it for weeks, looking forward to a good game, good seats, and good food, all paid except the parking. What we got was a let-down. Go »His Name is Bond
[Spoilers for Casino Royale.] One of my favorite bits of any fan-invented mythology is the identity of 007: It is held by some series fans (and me) that "James Bond" is merely a codename. When one Bond is killed or retires, another one takes his place and assumes the same name, which is why you see a different actor every decade and the man doesn't age despite having been around since the Kennedy administration. Go »Scott's Pet Peeve #8431
Random strangers on Facebook are not exactly known for impressive displays of intellect, but with several of my friends in the hospital recently, I've been annoyed by one particular bad habit that their friends seem to have: 1) Someone posts that s/he is experiencing a certain medical problem and is going into the hospital. Friends reply with supportive words. 2) A few hours later, the OP posts an update describing what the doctors are doing. Go »
Amy Austin | August 11, 2007
I'm so sorry for you, Scott... :-[
Can you see now why I can't stand to rent anymore and why I long to be back in *my own* house, even if it means buying one with ridiculous hazard insurance in Florida??? (Which is not as much the case in central Florida, btw...)