No Clowns On Halloween Allowed At My Door
by Steve West on October 29, 2008
Or "How Ronald McDonald Kicked My Ass"
About ten years ago, shortly before Brenda and I got married, we attended a Halloween party at a friend's house. The primary reason to get together was obviously to dress up like we did when we were little but secondarily to get drunk as a sailor on shore leave.
The standard "funny name" cocktails were offered like "sex on the beach" and "southern screw" and "raw sewage". But the drink that swore me off booze forever (hard liquor, that is) was called a "Ronald McDonald". This drink was composed mainly of vodka, cinammon schnapps and cranberry juice. What made it unique was the addition of a packet of McDonald's ketchup. Stir briskly and drink as quickly as possible. Repeatedly.
You may as well have shut my head in a car door over and over again and had a lesser effect. I woke up sometime after it made no sense to get up and staggered to my car. I was sober enough to realize I was still too drunk to drive and promptly decorated my friend's lawn with a Foster Brooks "Happy Meal". Jaysus.
Each successive Halloween has been soberly celebrated but I still get a little nervous when I see a pale old lady wearing too much lipstick.
One Reply to No Clowns On Halloween Allowed At My Door
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Love is a Hurtin' Thing
Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: I need a reservation for Valentine's Day. Brenda: I'll see if I can find a restaurant that takes reservations for one. Me: No, I need a reservation for two. Go »Do Pumpkins Exist Outside Of These Fall Holidays?
They should. I love the taste of homemade pumpkin pie. I almost didn't marry Brenda when she told me she couldn't make one but I thankfully reconsidered. Go »Placing Lust's Arrow In Cupid's Quiver
It's refreshing to reflect that the human race survived the sexually repressive Victorian Era. That women actually overcame their culturally reinforced suppression of sexual urges and ultimately spread their legs for something other than yeast related trail-blazing. Let's relive those glory days with the Victorian Sex Cry Generator and see where Fern Michaels gets her inspiration. Go »When You Care Enough to Hit Send
E-cards of an unusual and hilarious nature. I haven't tried one so I don't know if they work - it appears that they do. But they're extremely funny nonetheless. Go »Halloween Short Clips
Mark Gervais created this film for Halloween to be broadcast on a home's window. If I saw this in my neighborhood, it would really creep me out and I would give the house a wide berth. Then I'd come back later and watch it a dozen times. Go »
Amy Austin | October 29, 2008
For those trying to get the full mental picture of Steve, as described:
Foster Brooks