No Clowns On Halloween Allowed At My Door
by Steve West on October 29, 2008
Or "How Ronald McDonald Kicked My Ass"
About ten years ago, shortly before Brenda and I got married, we attended a Halloween party at a friend's house. The primary reason to get together was obviously to dress up like we did when we were little but secondarily to get drunk as a sailor on shore leave.
The standard "funny name" cocktails were offered like "sex on the beach" and "southern screw" and "raw sewage". But the drink that swore me off booze forever (hard liquor, that is) was called a "Ronald McDonald". This drink was composed mainly of vodka, cinammon schnapps and cranberry juice. What made it unique was the addition of a packet of McDonald's ketchup. Stir briskly and drink as quickly as possible. Repeatedly.
You may as well have shut my head in a car door over and over again and had a lesser effect. I woke up sometime after it made no sense to get up and staggered to my car. I was sober enough to realize I was still too drunk to drive and promptly decorated my friend's lawn with a Foster Brooks "Happy Meal". Jaysus.
Each successive Halloween has been soberly celebrated but I still get a little nervous when I see a pale old lady wearing too much lipstick.
One Reply to No Clowns On Halloween Allowed At My Door
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Take Me Out...
It was baseball night in Bowie. As part of Lauren's tenth birthday celebration, we went to see the Bowie Baysox. Highlights of the evening included: Nearly getting nailed by a foul ball while distracted by getting pizza sauce off my pants. Go »Blue is the Hue
We (Brenda, Lauren and me) just returned from the Kennedy Center where we saw the Blue Man Group. This was Lauren's birthday gift - her birthday was in May and that's when we ordered tickets, but the show wasn't until today. It was worth every cent, and I envy Scott who lives semi-close to their permanent theater in Orlando. Go »Dumb Celebrity Quotes
Anyone can say something stupid every once in a while, of course. But the celebrities featured on this website sure seem to make a habit of it. Only one quote per customer but they probably make up the usual suspects in the dumb quote hall of shame. Go »Thanksgiving Memories
This year, as I stood with my nephew staring at the turkey carcass following its carving, I shared with him an anecdote about Thanksgiving when I was his age. I grew up in a fairly poor household but we always had turkey for the holiday. But it was a bit of an extravagance for us so my mother was committed to getting everything the bird had to offer. Go »I Hate Dentists At Halloween
This list of the worst candies to give at halloween includes toothbrushes commonly given by dental professionals. My dentist when I was a kid not only gave out toothbrushes but floss and a stern lecture on the way out the door for me and my parents. Jerk. Go »
Amy Austin | October 29, 2008
For those trying to get the full mental picture of Steve, as described:
Foster Brooks