I love Unsolved Mysteries. The show told such interesting stories in perfect bite-size pieces, and knew how to make the hair on your neck stand up. I wish they were more objective in their reporting and didn't rely on pseudoscience as evidence (using psychics to prove ghosts and polygraph results to condemn criminals), but damn they put on an entertaining show. The boxed sets for Strange Legends, Bizarre Murders, and Ghosts are all worth renting, though I confess I'm not as eager to delve into the Psychics and Miracles sets.

Anyway, I just finished the Bizarre Murders set, and one case was off-the-scale weird. The Austin police get an anonymous call that "[Mom] is dead, [Dad] killed her, her bones are in the yard." They go to the house, Dad is having a seizure and is taken to the hospital where he can't talk to the cops. The adult son lets them into the backyard and they find only animal bones like a cattle skull. When Dad can finally talk, he says Mom disappeared and oh yeah, he ought to file a missing persons report. Mom's coworkers said she had black eyes and missed a lot of work, but the cops can't verify abuse. A few weeks go by. The tipster calls again with the same message, telling the cops to look under the tires. They return and look there, and find a human skull and tiny bone fragments, just thumbnail-sized bits. Dad says "I don't know how those got there." The DNA tests show that they don't belong to Mom. The cops bring in archeology students from the local university to prowl the yard like a dig site. They check carefully under every blade of grass and put a red flag in the ground every time they find a bone fragment; soon the yard is a sea of red flags. They even find bone chips in the ashes in the grill. Dad insists he has no idea how they got there. DNA tests show that the bones belong to three different people, and none of them are Mom. The best the cops can figure is that an industrial wood chipper did this, since it's way beyond household blades like a lawnmower, and Dad doesn't have access to such a machine. Barring an identification of the bones, there's nothing the cops can do to Dad, so the mystery goes unsolved.

After the segment, the director commentary (recorded years later) deflated some of the mystery. It turned out that the DNA testing was faulty and all of the bones belonged to Mom after all. Dad was already in jail for assaulting his next girlfriend and shooting at a cop, and who knows whether he'd ever stand trial for Mom's murder or what difference it would make. Even with these answers, what a hell of a weird case.


Two Replies to Not in My Back Yard

Denise Sawicki | May 11, 2007
What about the UFOs set? That is Darrell's favorite. He's not interested in any of the other ones, especially ghosts.

Scott Hardie | May 11, 2007
It's in my queue now. UFOs not my favorite topic but I do look forward to seeing the set.


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

21 Days

Any advice for what to do with my last three weeks of living single? Kelly will now move here on February 4, due to various factors. This, it goes without saying, rules. Go »

Only in the Web Era

Victim's cell phone is stolen on subway. Thief takes photos of his own wife, family, dog, and home. Cell phone automatically uploads them to victim's Flickr account. Go »

R.I.P. Harry

It's been a melancholy weekend since learning of the passing of a family friend. Fifty years ago, Harry and my mother went on a date. They didn't quite click, but she liked him enough to introduce him to her best friend, and sparks flew between them that soon led to marriage and a lifetime of gratitude to my mother for introducing them. Go »

Rethinking Forrest Gump

Inspired by a conversation this past weekend, I've been thinking about the once-popular movie Forrest Gump. It has fallen out of favor with people who prefer its contemporaries Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption and believe it robbed them of Oscars, but to me all three films are good. Gump succeeds because of a lot of factors, but consider its acting and its visual effects. Go »

Things You Realize at the Top of a 40-Story Ferris Wheel

Kelly and I just got back from a two-day getaway to Orlando to celebrate our anniversary. No theme parks; we've been to them many times and they're jammed with people right now anyway. We tried small local attractions instead. Go »

Dumb Question

Why is it called "word to the wise" when you're telling someone who doesn't know? Go »