Lauren and I went on that rock climbing event that she won during daddy/daughter bingo night. I corresponded with her principal, a nice guy who does this often. I asked him what I needed to bring besides bandages and his only recommendation was loose clothing. I don't own any loose clothing.

So before I went out and bought any sweats, of which I own none, I asked Brenda if I could try on a pair of hers (she owns many). We are of pretty disparate size so I told her to bring any that were way too big for her as long as they weren't pink or yellow. I have certain manliness restrictions that are that much more critical because I anticipated looking like a doofus anyway doing an exercise never attempted before. The shirt was easy as I had plenty of loose-fitting T-shirts. I purposely chose the one displaying a giant airmail stamp.

The place itself was what you would expect from an indoor facility, walls of two different heights (25 and 40 ft.), peppered with varying foot- and hand-holds. The holds were of varying help depending on the rating of the climb. They varied in size, ease of grip, and distance from each other. First step was to get fitted with appropriate climbing gear, essentially just a harness and special shoes. Like a bowling alley, you must wear special shoes for the same purpose which is to not ruin the surface of the walls. Also they had an almost sticky, rubbery texture.

I started on the bunny slope equivalent of a shorter wall with big handholds. Piece of cake. Going up just one level of difficulty however made a noticeable difference. I forgot to mention that you choose between a self-belaying rope (a sort of giant janitor keyring string suspended from the ceiling) or have a belaying partner. Principal Mills was belaying for me but because I outweigh him by 50 lbs. he was also clipped to the floor. I went up a few more times but ran out of breath about two-thirds of the way up the high wall.

Lauren seemed pretty intimidated by the whole thing and never went higher than I could touch. She emphatically stated that she had fun, though. I sure hope so. Principal Mills' daughter, Thea, has been doing this for over a year (they have a membership at the facility) and definitely outshone my clumsy efforts. It was mini-Spiderman vs giant Spiderslug for sure.

Overall, a good time. I didn't fall or overly embarrass myself and Lauren claims she had fun. I was encouraging her to do more but not being pushy or disappointed. Just another memory for us to share. And dammit, I forgot my camera!


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Homer Sings

Do-Re-Mi as sung by Homer Simpson DOh - The stuff that buys me beer. RAY - The guy that sells me beer. ME - The guy who drinks the beer. Go »

Oscars 2012

Now that I can make no further changes to my picks, I'd like to hear about the categories people wrestled with most. I struggled most with costume, documentary and even adapted screenplay. Goodl luck everyone! Go »

Guardians x 2

Brenda and I completed a court appearance via Zoom meeting that determined we were Olivia's official guardians. Actually the court is her guardian and we are the court's agents. We are guardians of person and property. Go »

Ho, Ho, Ho

I was in my car stopped at a light after going to Giant when two jokers pulled beside me and made motions for me to roll down my window. They drunkenly started shouting, "Hi, Santa! What are ya gonna bring me for Christmas this year?" Go »

Danger Will Robinson!

We've probably all seen examples of stupid warning labels but there's a few here I had never seen before. Also, the menu on the right side of this page has some interesting features. And remember, don't eat the iPod shuffle! Go »

Coolest Home Theater Ever

Chance of impressing your friends: 100% Chance of getting laid: Somewhat lower. This is definitely going to be a part of Barbie's Dream House. Especially if it comes with a replicator. Go »