What Goes Up...
by Steve West on May 30, 2009
Lauren and I went on that rock climbing event that she won during daddy/daughter bingo night. I corresponded with her principal, a nice guy who does this often. I asked him what I needed to bring besides bandages and his only recommendation was loose clothing. I don't own any loose clothing.
So before I went out and bought any sweats, of which I own none, I asked Brenda if I could try on a pair of hers (she owns many). We are of pretty disparate size so I told her to bring any that were way too big for her as long as they weren't pink or yellow. I have certain manliness restrictions that are that much more critical because I anticipated looking like a doofus anyway doing an exercise never attempted before. The shirt was easy as I had plenty of loose-fitting T-shirts. I purposely chose the one displaying a giant airmail stamp.
The place itself was what you would expect from an indoor facility, walls of two different heights (25 and 40 ft.), peppered with varying foot- and hand-holds. The holds were of varying help depending on the rating of the climb. They varied in size, ease of grip, and distance from each other. First step was to get fitted with appropriate climbing gear, essentially just a harness and special shoes. Like a bowling alley, you must wear special shoes for the same purpose which is to not ruin the surface of the walls. Also they had an almost sticky, rubbery texture.
I started on the bunny slope equivalent of a shorter wall with big handholds. Piece of cake. Going up just one level of difficulty however made a noticeable difference. I forgot to mention that you choose between a self-belaying rope (a sort of giant janitor keyring string suspended from the ceiling) or have a belaying partner. Principal Mills was belaying for me but because I outweigh him by 50 lbs. he was also clipped to the floor. I went up a few more times but ran out of breath about two-thirds of the way up the high wall.
Lauren seemed pretty intimidated by the whole thing and never went higher than I could touch. She emphatically stated that she had fun, though. I sure hope so. Principal Mills' daughter, Thea, has been doing this for over a year (they have a membership at the facility) and definitely outshone my clumsy efforts. It was mini-Spiderman vs giant Spiderslug for sure.
Overall, a good time. I didn't fall or overly embarrass myself and Lauren claims she had fun. I was encouraging her to do more but not being pushy or disappointed. Just another memory for us to share. And dammit, I forgot my camera!
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
(Insert Movie Title)...in 30 seconds Re-Enacted By Bunnies
Not a new site at all but one I hope everyone will enjoy if you haven't already. If you've seen it before, hope you'll find something new. Very clever re-enactments if only for the editorial difficulty in condensing a film down to 30 seconds. Go »Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Recent conversation with Brenda: While watching “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” in bed... Me: Do you want to have sex? Brenda: No. Go »Absurd One-Shots
Small collection of photos that caught my eye while surfing and gave me at least a brief chuckle. Funeral services ad in an interesting location; Signmaker with a sense of humor; British bus ad with an unfortunate exhaust pipe placement; and finally from the "How Could They Not Notice" department, a Parents Magazine cover with an even more unfortunate layout. Go »I'm Down To My Socks... It's Posting Time.
Flight of the Conchords rule! 2 Quarts of Tanning Lotion, Stat! Lots of stuff spilled in the road by trucks. Go »I'll Have The Misogyny Au Gratin, Please
We were having dinner with my nephew the other night and the conversation steered toward his numerous relationships. He replied with that standard chauvinistic response, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" My wife looked at him directly and retorted, "Yeah, why buy the whole pig for just a little sausage?" Go »
