Fast Food, Clowns & Intestinal Disease
by Steve West on March 9, 2012
Recent conversation with Brenda:
Brenda: I really don't feel like cooking tonight. Is Chick-fil-A okay with you?
me: As long as it's not McDonald's. Chick-fil-A isn't my favorite but at least I know it's chicken.
Brenda: I'm okay with McDonald's. I kinda like their nuggets.
me: At least when I bite a Chick-fil-A nugget I see chicken. I bite a McDonald's nugget and all I see is hair, teeth, skin and bone. There's probably a good dose of squirrel parts and sawdust, too.
Brenda: But Ronald looks so happy serving them to Hamburglar.
me: Hamburglar went for hamburgers, of course - the friggin' thief. I think it's Grimace that gets sentenced to the nuggets. And what kind of name is Grimace, anyway? A grimace is that look on your face when nuggets give you Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Brenda: A nice clown like Ronald wouldn't give you gas on purpose.
me: Oh, really. And what in the history of clowns gives you that impression? I have no doubt that if you dug deep enough you'd find out that Emmet Kelly was a heroin dealer. Bozo was probably an arms merchant.
Brenda: Clowns are not evil - they're charming.
me: John Wayne Gacy dressed up like a clown. Serial killers are even a step lower on the evil heirarchy compared to clowns.
Brenda: Don't worry - I'm not getting McDonald's.
me: Good, 'cause I'd hate to think what my laundry would look like if I contracted Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Brenda: Just remember when you put on any "clean" laundry that yellow goes in front, brown in back.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
What The Hell Is An Egg Roll Anyway?
Outside of a chinese restaurant I had never encountered an Easter egg roll before. We managed to become the recipients of four tickets to this year's White House Easter Egg Roll. We were not there to witness the President's participation as we were in the last of three groups and he presented himself to the first. Go »Absurd One-Shots
Small collection of photos that caught my eye while surfing and gave me at least a brief chuckle. Funeral services ad in an interesting location; Signmaker with a sense of humor; British bus ad with an unfortunate exhaust pipe placement; and finally from the "How Could They Not Notice" department, a Parents Magazine cover with an even more unfortunate layout. Go »Never Volunteer, Dummy
Ever since seeing Anthony Hopkins in Magic, ventriloquists and their evil dummies have given me the creeps. This guy does as well but I laughed nonetheless. I think I could sit through his entire act but could never get past the queasiness and actually volunteer like this guy did. Go »Strike Two
Brenda and I attended a school meeting today to discuss the battery of assessments needed to properly develop an education plan for Olivia. After hearing the assessments from the primary teacher, occupational therapist, speech therapist and physical therapist, we got to the part that was a stunner to say the least - the school psychologist. After giving her report which mimicked the other reports to a large degree, she informed us that she felt it was time to officially put it in the record that Olivia was intellectually disabled. Go »Back to School Night
We just got back from the titular event and I have to say, I love my kids' school. Lauren is in 3rd grade and Olivia is in the autism program in 1st grade. Lauren has one teacher and Olivia has at least three (more if you count her speech therapist, occupational therapist, and physical therapist). Go »
