Recent conversation with Brenda:

Brenda: I really don't feel like cooking tonight. Is Chick-fil-A okay with you?

me: As long as it's not McDonald's. Chick-fil-A isn't my favorite but at least I know it's chicken.

Brenda: I'm okay with McDonald's. I kinda like their nuggets.

me: At least when I bite a Chick-fil-A nugget I see chicken. I bite a McDonald's nugget and all I see is hair, teeth, skin and bone. There's probably a good dose of squirrel parts and sawdust, too.

Brenda: But Ronald looks so happy serving them to Hamburglar.

me: Hamburglar went for hamburgers, of course - the friggin' thief. I think it's Grimace that gets sentenced to the nuggets. And what kind of name is Grimace, anyway? A grimace is that look on your face when nuggets give you Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Brenda: A nice clown like Ronald wouldn't give you gas on purpose.

me: Oh, really. And what in the history of clowns gives you that impression? I have no doubt that if you dug deep enough you'd find out that Emmet Kelly was a heroin dealer. Bozo was probably an arms merchant.

Brenda: Clowns are not evil - they're charming.

me: John Wayne Gacy dressed up like a clown. Serial killers are even a step lower on the evil heirarchy compared to clowns.

Brenda: Don't worry - I'm not getting McDonald's.

me: Good, 'cause I'd hate to think what my laundry would look like if I contracted Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Brenda: Just remember when you put on any "clean" laundry that yellow goes in front, brown in back.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Baseball and Androgeny

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: (watching baseball) Do you realize how filthy professional baseball players are? Brenda: Not first-hand, no. me: Look at these guys. Go »

Mean Husband... or Funny Guy?

Since Brenda is home and doing well, I will share yet another reason I will spend ETERNITY IN HELL. At the hospital, after her surgery and recovery, she began to wake up in the room. She was covered in a blanket up to her neck, and as her eyes barely fluttered open and she saw me standing over her caressing her cheek, I said, "Baby, something went wrong and they had to remove your whole body. Go »

Some Anniversaries Are More Memorable Than Others

Today is the ninth anniversary of my wedding to my child bride, Brenda. So far so good. Had to call and schedule the plumber because there is water leaking from behind the wall in the bathroom. Go »

My First Baby Got Married

WE ARE BACK! What a trip. Five flights, countless hours in layovers, endless treks from gate to gate, sometimes in limited timeframes, no meals except for snacks on the planes and no Wi-fi! Go »

Action Hero?

I remember back in the early '70's, my brother and I got new G.I. Joes for Christmas. They were pretty cool with the kung fu grip and "real-life hair and beard". Go »

Go Around or Go Over

Because Olivia's school is closed we've been forced to do home schooling along with her teacher doing Zoom three times each week. So lesson plans are still happening but her special education also includes speech therapy, occupational therapy and physical therapy. I don't do speech or occupational but I stepped in for physical. Go »