Where's Joe The Plumber When I Need Him?
by Steve West on October 19, 2008
Screw plumbing! This is friggin' ridiculous.
When the toilet in my bedroom bath developed a leak, I assured my wife it was a simple repair to replace the fill valve. And it is - except for me.
It took me two hours just to get the old one out. It broke in half during the process and took extra effort for just that part. The area is cramped, I've got my legs entirely in the shower to get under the toilet. Thank God I remembered to turn off the water to the toilet but as far as I can tell that's the only thing I did right.
I got the replacement one but overtightened the water supply and broke the plastic nut that attaches to the toilet. Plastic nuts! Another trip to the hardware store only succeeded in having the "help" look at me like the idiot I felt. Came home and put everything together and the sumbitch was leaking like a Saint Bernard looking at a steak dinner. Water is squirting everywhere. The helpful directions say hand-tighten here. Hand-tighten my ass! That's where it's leaking so I cranked it with a pair of channel locks but that only slowed it to chihuahua sized drooling.
Screw this. I'm kinda ashamed that as an experienced person at this, having done it a dozen times in 30 years, that I'm admitting defeat. Let the plumber deal with this shit. I'll pay a hundred bucks to have it done right (i.e. done by someone other than me)! This is one of the last things I need to deal with before leaving town. Shit.
Sixteen Replies to Where's Joe The Plumber When I Need Him?
Steve West | October 19, 2008
Sorry, wrong leak. Hand-tighten the toilet. Carry on.
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
Wrong chihuahua-sized, huh...
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
;-D
Tony Peters | October 19, 2008
yeah I have a bad bolt for holding the left side of the toilet to the floor in my upstairs bathroom...which leads me to have to replace the wax ring every 9 months or so when the toilet rocks off the floor and destroys it. I know that I could take the whole thing apart (further than I have at this point) but I just can't bring myself creat a bigger project that I already have....yet
Scott Hardie | October 19, 2008
Didn't your water heater just break, too? Someone put a plumbing curse on you.
Tony Peters | October 19, 2008
not me....I lost a furnace last winter but I don't have any other plumbing problems except my toilet
Steve West | October 19, 2008
As it turns out that was covered by my service contract. I got a new heater and had to pay only for the labor and an expansion tank all for $140.00. Not too bad considering. Those are the guys I'm about to call.
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
A familiar plumber crack -- that's good. And don't worry... I don't need you to dignify my comments with a response. ;-)
Steve West | October 19, 2008
I'm ready for round three with that ceramic demon from hell buoyed by Amy's butt crack comment. I have returned from the hardware store brimming with confidence and loaded for bear. If I can't fix it, I'm shooting the shit out of it. No fish in a barrel comments, please.
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
Brown trout in a bucket?
Steve West | October 19, 2008
Mock me with your words! Like Odysseus, I return victorious from the Plumbing Wars!!! Anoint my head with plumber's putty. Hand me my scepter. 
Proclaim me the king of porcelain conveniences. Let loose the pigeons!
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
LOL... Congratulations... Sir Crapper!
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
Or is it... King John?
Steve West | October 19, 2008
I prefer Generalissimo Archduke von Pissoir.
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
HAHAHA... okay, Generalissimo -- whatever you say. ;-D
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
It's 419, Do You Know Where Your Dealer Is?
It's the eve of 420 and you don't have to be high to enjoy the following links, but it couldn't hurt. When this clock goes into production, it will be featured in my den. Smart dog or dumb dog? Go »My Man-Crush On The Mickster Is Almost Over
How much nonsense can a guy overlook? Apparently, Mickey Rourke has found Jesus. Now, if he could only remember the church he was at so he could return him. Go »Ho, Ho, Ho
I was in my car stopped at a light after going to Giant when two jokers pulled beside me and made motions for me to roll down my window. They drunkenly started shouting, "Hi, Santa! What are ya gonna bring me for Christmas this year?" Go »Commercial Parodies
I've heard the phrase, "Yeah, that's when Saturday Night Live was funny." It's always been funny to me. Here are 18 clips of their best commercial parodies including Colon Blow cereal, Taco Town, and Homocil. Go »Half-time
At about the halfway mark between Halloween and Christmas, I ran across this gift idea suitable for both holidays. Zombie lawn sculpture. Dave Barry included this in his annual gift guide and I found the original source for it. Go »
Amy Austin | October 19, 2008
Wait, I'm confused... is the plumber going to hand-tighten your ass?