Halloween Post #3: Haunted Houses
by Steve West on October 3, 2007

Getting scared for the fun of it. What a concept. Sorry to say I can't fathom it in the least. I hate being scared, have no desire to be in that state, experience no voyeuristic appeal at the sight of others being scared, and get no post-traumatic euphoria or contentment. This is the scenario of me visiting any of these haunted houses:
Steve's Friend: "Hey Steve, you're standing in a puddle of your own urine and what's that smell?"
Steve: "That's the smell of me having just the best time. All excretory functions of my body seem to be working!"
This list is from last year but most, if not all, of these sites appear to be traditional year-after-year attractions.
(And just for the record, defecating is a digestive function of the body not excretory but I was scared at the time, gimme a break.)
Three Replies to Halloween Post #3: Haunted Houses
Steve West | October 3, 2007
Didn't happen but I swear that is what I would actually expect to happen. Never been to any of those places, never will.
Jackie Mason | October 4, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Flotsam & Jetsam
I always wanted to use that phrase. Crazy ticketers in England. Which anniversary is it appropriate to celebrate at this restaurant? Go »
Beware Of Delaware
I'm off to vacation in the Eastern Hinterland, the wondrous first state of Delaware. I have friends there we are visiting and will be staying for the weekend. The only advantage to being there are a few Atlantic beaches and of course, tax-free shopping. Go »
Barbie Gets Implants
In the early ‘90’s, I heard a stand-up routine by Cathy Ladman in which she was buying a Barbie doll as a birthday present for her niece. She’s looking at the doll displays and her eye catches a “Gift-Giving Ken”. She says, I really don’t think this is gonna prepare her for adult relationships. Go »
My Ball Got Whacked With Monkey Poo
I love miniature golf. Back in college, I spent many a drunken evening goofing off with friends, avoiding the last few pages of a term paper, or just getting the cheap thrill of pretending you're an athlete by getting your ball into Mickey Mouse's left eye to win a free game. Eat me, Arnold Palmer! Go »
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
At 11:00 a.m., Brenda called me from the school where she works and told me that she had fallen and was unable to drive home. She needed me to 1) find a second driver for her car, 2) come get her and take her to urgent care and 3) make sure that Olivia is taken care of when she arrives home in an hour. Go »
Lori Lancaster | October 3, 2007
[hidden by author request]