Recently, Brenda made the mistake of asking me to fix the toilet. It seemed to have gunk in the thingy that supplies the water and would only filll if I poked it with a paper clip in the spout thingy. You can tell I'm a semi-professional because of all the technical jargon. Well, one hopelessly broken toilet later (after an hour of poking it with power tools, Brenda called the plumber and ordered a new toilet. I call it the flusherator 2000. I made a deal with Brenda for visitation rights (she can spend time with it only every other weekend) and have decided to convert the guest bathroom into my personal sanctum santorum. Now I need a TV in the floor before Final Four weekend and baseball season has just begun. Oh, joy! Ah bliss!


One Reply to Me and Al Bundy

Scott Hardie | April 2, 2013
You missed a chance to title this "Gunk in the Thingy."

Should we expect you to use Funeratic from inside the bathroom from now on? I'm sure I can scrounge up five bathroom-inspired goos, but you'll have to hold it until next season.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

The Fragrance of Introverts

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: You look so busy. What are you working on now? Me: An advertisement for a cologne for introverts that hasn't been created yet. Go »

Shaken And Stirred Too For Good Measure

Semi-bizarre gallery devoted to people shaking their faces, having any loose skin flop around, and photographing the results. Go »

Woman Attacks Karaoke Singer

A woman attacked a karaoke singer while he was singing Coldplay. A similar thing happened to me once. I was pretty drunk and I started a fight with some guy singing Dave Matthews. Go »

Good Morning, Let's See Who's Dead

A website devoted to tracking who's alive and who's not. Most entries are for the recently passed but also some entries to silence rumors. Also, a neat feature to read obituaries and find photographs of actual grave locations. Go »

Anchors Aweigh

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: (after observing me sucking in my stomach while standing on a scale) Ha! Me: What? Brenda: Sucking in your blubber won't help! Go »

Insanity is Relative

Recent conversation with Brenda. Me: You know those signs that say 'Keep Off the Grass'? Brenda: Of course. Go »