UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Christmas Post #16: A Hillbilly Christmas

My father was born and raised in North Carolina. Throughout my childhood we would make the summer trek to my Granny and Grandpaw's house in the middle of the state. Many a summer night passed listening to roosters (they crow all friggin' night), the occasional gator grunt, and my hillbilly cousins fart and scratch while playing cards. Go »

If I Had A Hammer...

I once heard Leonard Nimoy singing this old Pete Seeger tune and it almost gave me epileptic convulsions. It has nothing to do with this link of an amazing artist who works with Hammer and Nails. It's just that whenever I see a hammer or box of nails or even a picture of Karen Carpenter - that's the song that leaps into my head. Go »

Beware Of Delaware

I'm off to vacation in the Eastern Hinterland, the wondrous first state of Delaware. I have friends there we are visiting and will be staying for the weekend. The only advantage to being there are a few Atlantic beaches and of course, tax-free shopping. Go »

Barbie Gets Implants

In the early ‘90’s, I heard a stand-up routine by Cathy Ladman in which she was buying a Barbie doll as a birthday present for her niece. She’s looking at the doll displays and her eye catches a “Gift-Giving Ken”. She says, I really don’t think this is gonna prepare her for adult relationships. Go »

Differences That Make All The Difference

Recent discussion with Brenda: me: There's such a huge difference between how I interact with people at work and how I interact with the people in my home. Brenda: How so? me: At work, I spend all day talking about banking practices and domestic and international finance. Go »

Apparently, Some Visuals are Best Left Undescribed

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I was thinking about Star Wars stuff the other day and I can't help but see this mental image of the Empire State Building wielding a light sabre and waving it at King Kong. You know, The Empire Strikes Back. Brenda: Have you taken your meds today? Go »