Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Schadenfreude
Is it wrong to laugh at goofy-looking mugshots? Probably on some level. I mean, the circumstances that led to these photographs being taken had to be well, criminal. Go »Real Life Comedy/Tragedy
Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: Why did you marry me? Brenda: Because you're funny, Me: I thought it was because I was good in bed. Brenda: You see? Go »A Story Without Words
I can't imagine being disfigured as an adult. I've read articles and seen pictorials of veterans wounded in the war and losing a limb or being disfigured by fire. And then those soldiers coming home to their fiancées to be married. Go »I'm Too Young To Be Old
All of this landscaping has taken a serious toll on my aged body, apparently. I actually had to take a day off from work to recover from an aching back. When younger (twenties), I could chop a load of firewood blah blah blah. Go »Guns are Not Really a Laughing Matter
Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: What would be the hardest thing for you to give up for Lent? Me: Shooting guns. Go »
