UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

An Open Letter to Trump Voters

I'm not mad at you that Clinton lost; I didn't vote for her either. I'm unconcerned that we have different politics. And I don't think less of you because you vote one way and I vote another. Go »

Is This Your Dog?

Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: I just got a text from a Facebook friend that was funny and cruel at the same time. Brenda: Do I want to hear this? Me: He saw a "Missing Dog" poster, called the number and only barked. Go »

How Steve Proposed

Steve: I love you. Brenda: I love you more. Steve: NO, I LOVE YOU MORE! Go »

Halloween Post #5: What Do You Mean You're Out Of Blood Colored Yarn?!?

Several goo site participants have demonstrable sewing skills. Anybody knit? For those who do and are in a festive spirit on a psychotic level, you might want to try your hand at these. Go »

Police Dogs

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: How was your day? Me: It was going so well until I got chased by a police dog. Brenda: Oh, sweet lord, why was a police dog chasing you? Go »

Autism Walk 2010

We go on this walk annually and have seen it grow tremendously over the last seven years. What began for us as a walk to support a local fundraising group has evolved into a national campaign spearheaded by the Autism Speaks organization. It hasn't all been good but the majority of changes have been welcome. Go »