UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Commercial Parodies

I've heard the phrase, "Yeah, that's when Saturday Night Live was funny." It's always been funny to me. Here are 18 clips of their best commercial parodies including Colon Blow cereal, Taco Town, and Homocil. Go »

Dear Miriam...

Oh, thank you Miriam, that's great advice. BTW this letter is indeed a spoof of the "Dear Miriam" column in The Daily Mirror that appeared in the satirical publication Viz. Pretty damn funny, though. Go »

Stay-cation Week V

My God, bowling has gotten expensive. Sorry to speak of the costs of things so much but hey, this is a getting a little ridiculous. One game cost me $17.00. Go »

Is This A Country Song Or What?

Playing a country song backwards, as the old joke goes, and your wife comes back, your dog is alive again, and your trucks rolls over onto its wheels. The Mickster has got it bad in Oscar week as his beloved chihuahua died in his arms. Not to make fun of what must have been a horrible event, but did he really need to display his mourning by attending a New York fashion show the very next day? Go »

Halloween Post #6: Celebrities In Costume

Small sampling of early costume parties. I don't remember vampires draping themselves in roadkill but what do I know. And Diddy looks like he's holding the head of Elvis. Go »

Creepy Halloween Lodgings

These creepy places to stay during a Halloween vacation may be too late to consider this year but they're not going anywhere soon so keep them in mind for the future. You can't stay in all of these places but for those that you can, there's that extra layer of creepiness. The Haunted Hull House in Chicago. Go »