UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

F* You BAFTA

The Mickster didn't say F* you to BAFTA after winning their best actor award but did have a vulgarity filled acceptance speech reminiscent of Russell Crowe. Come to think of it, Russell Crowe lost the Academy Award that year to Denzel Washington. An Oscar worthy role in A Beautiful Mind lost to an Oscar worthy actor in Training Day. Go »

Just My Lucky Day, I Guess

Weekly shopping trips have been largely uneventful of late because of the absence of you know who, UOAS. She kind of startled me with her presence at the Safeway tonight and I wondered if God specifically was observing my sense of satisfaction over her MIA status. She noted my surprised expression and commented, "Long time no see!" Go »

What Should We Name The Band?

Article offering very good advice on what not to do when choosing a name for your rock band. Go »

Collection of Weird & Wonderful Links

Stuff I ran across while randomly surfing. Hilarious protest signs (most involving misspellings). First rule of Nacho Fight Club - Feel free to talk about Nacho Fight Club. Go »

Santa Claus Can Kiss My Ass

That title is almost blasphemous in the American belief system, I know. We took the girls to a local ice cream store, Coldstone's, to get ice cream and to see and get a photograph taken with Santa. It occured to me that Santa gets a lot of credit for stuff that I do and provide. Go »

Placing Lust's Arrow In Cupid's Quiver

It's refreshing to reflect that the human race survived the sexually repressive Victorian Era. That women actually overcame their culturally reinforced suppression of sexual urges and ultimately spread their legs for something other than yeast related trail-blazing. Let's relive those glory days with the Victorian Sex Cry Generator and see where Fern Michaels gets her inspiration. Go »