UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

There Really Are Superheroes

And most of them wear capes. Oddee does a nice roundup of ten real-life superheroes - people who actually dress up in costume and prowl their respective cities with a willingness to foil criminals and their crimes. While you may question their sartorial wisdom, you gotta admire their desire to make a difference. Go »

Laugh Or Cry

I have today and tomorrow scheduled off from work (unrelated to any on-the-job sarcasm). I haven't requested two days in a row off from work since last summer, I think. So I treated myself to a couple of midweek vacation days to R & R. Go »

Mother's Day Gifts

As an honor to Brenda, we got her some plants for the house and lawn. Nice plants. All now dead from neglect. Go »

Where's The Winch?

We took the girls sailing today. Unlike last year, Olivia did not throw a winch handle overboard because of our diligence in preventing it. The sailing is still free because of the heart of the owner who offers this once a month during the summer. Go »

One From Column A & Two From Column B

Serve yourself. Remember those "Fold-ins" from Mad Magazine? Here they are. Go »

What'd I Step In?

Things stuck to the bottom of my internet shoe. Things not to do while wearing briefs made of beef jerky. (Besides wearing briefs made of beef jerky) Venezuelans believe children should not watch The Simpsons, offer more wholesome fare instead. Go »