UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

It's Not My Fault

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: Steven! me:Yes, queen of my soul. Brenda: The bathroom sink is full of whiskers. Go »

Gettin' The Animals Out Of My Blog Folder

Time to clear out the animal clutter from my blog folder. Want to make your dog look really tough like the dogs from medieval times? Try some doggie armor. Go »

Who's In And Who's Not

Comprehensive site devoted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gives info that can be sorted multiple ways for easy searching. Provides information on who's in, when they got in, number of times they were on the ballot, etc. Go »

And Then the Fight Started...

When Brenda and I attended my High School reunion, she noticed me staring at a woman seated a few tables away, drinking glass after glass of some alcoholic drink. She asked if I knew her. I told her, "That was my girlfriend from back in the day. Go »

Christmas and a Lizard's Tale

One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk

Vacation Tip #1: A 10,000 square foot, 3 level museum has opened in Springhouse, Pennsylvania devoted to The Three Stooges. Who knew you could assemble this much Three Stooges memorabilia? Then again, why not? Go »