UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Unlike Burger King, Special Orders Upset Us

Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: Feel like Subway for lunch? me: Only if I get a foot-long sandwich that's actually 12 inches long. Go »

Dumb Criminals And Other Court Type Stuff

Small potpourri of MENSA reject criminals, frivolous lawsuits and just dumb laws. Cupcake Burglar; Cheeseburger Lawsuit; Drunken Sock Eater; Saggy Trouser Law; and Goofy Streaker. The most shocking story to me is this last one in which a victimized Kirsten Dunst had her room burgled and items stolen including a $13,000 handbag. Go »

Such As It Is...

Best stuff I found this week. Snippets of conversation Overheard in Chicago. Sidewalk paintings by Julian Beever. Go »

Dog Lovers Unite

Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: I watched the neighbor's dog for an hour the other day. Brenda: That was nice of you. Me: I let him off the leash and a cop came up to me a few minutes later and said my dog has been seen chasing a guy on a bicycle. Go »

Givin' It Up To The Man

There seems to be several different meanings to that phrase, these days especially. Meaning 1) A teenage girl in Germany sold her virginity online to an Italian businessman for $18000. She had hoped to raise $100K for schooling, I think. Go »

Just My Lucky Day, I Guess

Weekly shopping trips have been largely uneventful of late because of the absence of you know who, UOAS. She kind of startled me with her presence at the Safeway tonight and I wondered if God specifically was observing my sense of satisfaction over her MIA status. She noted my surprised expression and commented, "Long time no see!" Go »