Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Vanity Plates
Although a few are a little crude, many of these vanity plates are clever and funny. I've never had a desire to acquire one myself but I do admire a good one when I see it on the road. My personal favorite is "PLAN AHE". Go »Halloween Is Not For Kids
More and more, Halloween is becoming an occasion for parents to dress their kids for their own amusement and less and less for children to dress themselves as they want. I find it difficult to believe that any of these kids chose these costumes themselves and, although creative, are scary insights into the minds of their potential serial killer parents. The "rat eating brains" cap for infants disturbed me the most. Go »Halloween Is For The Dogs
Last year for Halloween, I took all of Lauren's stuffed dogs and sewed their mouths to parts of my shirt and pants (with fake bleeding cuts on my arms and face) and went as an attack dog trainer. This year, I need to adopt or at least rent a dog so I can dress it like this for Halloween. Holy Kibbles & Bits Or this... Go »I'm Too Young To Be Old
All of this landscaping has taken a serious toll on my aged body, apparently. I actually had to take a day off from work to recover from an aching back. When younger (twenties), I could chop a load of firewood blah blah blah. Go »Post-Delaware Staycation
The last leg of our vacation was a trip to Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA. This is a pretty terrific amusement park for kids, I mean little kids. Most of the rides are designed for children between the ages 6 & 10. Go »
