Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
We Were That Close
Brenda and I looked at a house a few days ago and were very charmed by it. It was a ranch style home with four bedrooms, a large fenced yard and was selling at a reasonable price. Brenda was a little unsure of the size of the bedrooms but agreed to go back and specifically measure them with a tape measure and if they met her minimum standards, she would agree to make an offer for the house. Go »Worst. Playground Toys. Ever.
"Mommy! Mommy! Can I crawl up the elephant's butt? Go »Turn Left At Alpha Centauri
So you've been abducted by aliens. How on Earth (literally) are you going to get back home? Fortunately, you are a forward thinker; a planner; an "any room I enter I have an escape route" thinker. Go »Out of the Closet and into the Stratosphere
So Tom Cruise wants to go into outer space and meet aliens. I think I can scrounge together a few bucks for a one-way ticket. Any other takers? Go »My Man-Crush On The Mickster Is Almost Over
How much nonsense can a guy overlook? Apparently, Mickey Rourke has found Jesus. Now, if he could only remember the church he was at so he could return him. Go »
