UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

It's Still Rock and Roll To Me

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I heard a song on the radio on the ride home today and found myself returning to the 70's. Brenda: Like you ever left. me: Be that as it may, I was bobbing my head to Journey's Lovin, Touchin', Squeezin'. Go »

Steve's Supermarket Adventure

Or...How I Tried To Get Myself Banned From Safeway Shopping at my local Safeway is usually a pleasant experience. Few crowds at 10:00 at night, plenty of quality choices, reasonable pricing, etc. Go »

Eleven Times Bliss

To celebrate our anniversary, Brenda and I decided to keep things simple. Kids with a trusted sitter, she and I would do the dinner and a movie thing. A romantic movie with not a thing being blown up, i.e. Go »

Sarcasm Is Not For Everyone

Today, my boss’ boss asked me for an update on our current IT project. I called that department and while musing why she didn’t just call them herself, got the requested update. It wasn’t good. Go »

Commercial Parodies

I've heard the phrase, "Yeah, that's when Saturday Night Live was funny." It's always been funny to me. Here are 18 clips of their best commercial parodies including Colon Blow cereal, Taco Town, and Homocil. Go »

Me and Al Bundy

Recently, Brenda made the mistake of asking me to fix the toilet. It seemed to have gunk in the thingy that supplies the water and would only filll if I poked it with a paper clip in the spout thingy. You can tell I'm a semi-professional because of all the technical jargon. Go »