Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
I'll Have the Seven Deadly Sins Combo
Funny chart that shows the resultant interactions of each of the seven deadly sins. Go »Isn't That The Red Skull In That Weird Pantsuit?
My internet idol, Uncle Scoopy, refers to Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham as Skeletor Spice for her resemblance to that cartoon character. Interestingly, she resembles other cartoon characters often, depending on how she dresses. She has got to make Blackwell's "Worst Dressed" this year. Go »Tattooing's Last Frontier
Aside from internal organs, there doesn't seem to have been any body part un-tattooed except for the eyeball. Until now. Colored contact lenses weren't good enough for this guy and I really expect him to be the first guy with a spleen tattoo. Go »Dog Lovers Unite
Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: I watched the neighbor's dog for an hour the other day. Brenda: That was nice of you. Me: I let him off the leash and a cop came up to me a few minutes later and said my dog has been seen chasing a guy on a bicycle. Go »Compassion
I haven't posted since the incident in January and used that time to do a lot of soul-searching. A lot of it was fruitless. I told my boss' boss of the circumstances behind my asking for a day off because my boss was vacationing at the time. Go »
