UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Renaissance: Everything Old Is New Again

The Maryland Renaissance Festival is an annual event that takes place on eight consecutive weekends each year at an outdoor site in Crownsville, MD. It usually starts right around when school does so Brenda and I have been distracted away from going for several years. We promised the girls we would absolutely go this year for their mini-vacation. Go »

Christmas Post #3: Syphilis For Christmas

Lyme disease, E. Coli, and even Mad Cow are all available to gift your loved one with as a plush toy. Be sure to check the venereal section! Go »

Accidents Happen But This Is Ridiculous

You know, I've accidentally glued various parts of my body to odd things before. I glued my shirt to my stomach, once. But this guy takes the glue cake. Go »

What'd I Step In?

Things stuck to the bottom of my internet shoe. Things not to do while wearing briefs made of beef jerky. (Besides wearing briefs made of beef jerky) Venezuelans believe children should not watch The Simpsons, offer more wholesome fare instead. Go »

Flotsam & Jetsam

I always wanted to use that phrase. Crazy ticketers in England. Which anniversary is it appropriate to celebrate at this restaurant? Go »

What The Hell Is An Egg Roll Anyway?

Outside of a chinese restaurant I had never encountered an Easter egg roll before. We managed to become the recipients of four tickets to this year's White House Easter Egg Roll. We were not there to witness the President's participation as we were in the last of three groups and he presented himself to the first. Go »