Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010

UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Shadowlands
As much as I admire the shadow creations, I know I wouldn't be able to stand having the pile of trash responsible sitting in the middle of my rec room. Seriously, how many have a "gallery" in their home. Go »
Japanese Terebi Game Shows
I'm convinced that Japanese game show producers are violently insane. Here's a sampling of what I mean. Go »
Snowmageddonpocalypse 2016
Snowmageddonpocalypse 2016.Two feet of snow is a record for this date in DC? Go figure. Go »
Where's Joe The Plumber When I Need Him?
Screw plumbing! This is friggin' ridiculous. When the toilet in my bedroom bath developed a leak, I assured my wife it was a simple repair to replace the fill valve. Go »
Even Action Jeans Can't Help These Guys
Kung Fu movie auditions of martial art knuckleheads. The face falling guy with the nunchakus remains my favorite but the first guy is a close second. He knocks over a dummy that's not moving and in his own mind is a karate champion. Go »