I just get so frustrated. I want my husband to be happy but the things he's decided will make him happy are completely out of our control (success at music). I wish something good would happen for him finally.

Our puppy has decided to start barking in the middle of the night. We hardly got any sleep. That's also my fault because I was obsessing about something. What does someone mean when they say "give what you can"? What I technically "can" give is a somewhat ridiculously large amount because I've been saving my whole life. But I don't want to give up our entire future financial security to people I honestly do not know. This probably makes me a bad person. Obviously it does. I just feel so totally evil and worthless so much of the time. There's no help for it really.

We are taking Philip to puppy school tonight, and then the guys have a show. So that means at least two car trips, since puppies aren't allowed in bars last I heard. Actually a sheltie attended one of the guys' shows once but it must have been a special sheltie to be allowed that. I don't much like shows on work nights. I'm not sure I can even stay awake that long. Then again, sometimes I lose the need for sleep, so it might be OK.

I've sometimes found around here that people don't know what the heck I mean if I use "Indian" to refer to a person from India. Then again, we are more backwards and lily-white here in ND than most places. Sorry for the confusion.


Five Replies to Frustrated

Lori Lancaster | October 19, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Denise Sawicki | October 19, 2006
not really - I'm messed up. We gave like $6000 already but technically "can" give more, though I'm being told we're not supposed to. Sometimes I want to just be rid of everything so I can no longer be holding back others who are more worthy.

Lori Lancaster | October 20, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Denise Sawicki | October 20, 2006
Getting rid of savings doesn't make a current impact but it makes a future impact I'm sure. Anyway, I'm just a bit insane and self-hating so in reality there's no issue, as we already gave a lot. (But the person says they will pay it back, so perhaps we've done nothing). Thanks for the input.

Aaron Shurtleff | October 20, 2006
Wow. I'm not sure what kind of back story there is or what I missed, but I don't think you can justify feeling evil and worthless because you don't give enough if you've already given $6000. Unless you're like Bill Gates rich or something, $6000 is a goodly sum of money. You shouldn't feel bad just because you can technically give more, if you know that giving more has the potential to put you into a bad situation down the road. Think of it like this: If you put yourself into a bad situation, then you will be even less able to help someone else out later if you need to. It's really to everyone's advantage that you are a saver! :)

Now barking puppies, I got nothing. I hope puppy classes do the trick.


Prayer for the Paranoid

Denise Sawicki posts whatever she feels able to post without serious consequences Read more »

Our first Con?

Darrell and I are thinking of going to this: http://www.valleycon.com/. We have never been to such an event before, and it is kind of expensive, but: A. Londo is one of our favorite TV characters ever B. Go »

False Hope

So the guys' band had a show on Saturday and it went really well. A bunch of people came up to say they did a good job, and the headlining band (another local act) really liked the music and wants to do other shows together. And they even got paid! Go »

Sewing completed

Well yeah... I sewed a cape.. I am rather impressed with myself, though if you could see it up close you would see what a sloppy job I did. Go »

Cocoa spills and Larry David

In a freak accident, I managed to splatter my husband's entire mug of cocoa all across the kitchen this morning, 1 minute before I had to leave for work. I apologized a bunch of times and kept asking if I should call in and tell them I'm going to be late so I could clean it up... but he said he'd try to clean it up. Go »

Found things, jerkishness, fuzziness

This morning I found my black pants that have been gone for nigh on a year. They weren't even anywhere weird. They were just on the floor in the closet. Go »

Now I remember why I live in North Dakota

It got hot all of a sudden the last few days, or what passes for hot in ND in early April (50s). It's like a spring break video out there, people prancing around in bikinis yelling "woo"... OK not quite but there is a marked change in demeanor. Go »