I just get so frustrated. I want my husband to be happy but the things he's decided will make him happy are completely out of our control (success at music). I wish something good would happen for him finally.

Our puppy has decided to start barking in the middle of the night. We hardly got any sleep. That's also my fault because I was obsessing about something. What does someone mean when they say "give what you can"? What I technically "can" give is a somewhat ridiculously large amount because I've been saving my whole life. But I don't want to give up our entire future financial security to people I honestly do not know. This probably makes me a bad person. Obviously it does. I just feel so totally evil and worthless so much of the time. There's no help for it really.

We are taking Philip to puppy school tonight, and then the guys have a show. So that means at least two car trips, since puppies aren't allowed in bars last I heard. Actually a sheltie attended one of the guys' shows once but it must have been a special sheltie to be allowed that. I don't much like shows on work nights. I'm not sure I can even stay awake that long. Then again, sometimes I lose the need for sleep, so it might be OK.

I've sometimes found around here that people don't know what the heck I mean if I use "Indian" to refer to a person from India. Then again, we are more backwards and lily-white here in ND than most places. Sorry for the confusion.


Five Replies to Frustrated

Lori Lancaster | October 19, 2006
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Denise Sawicki | October 19, 2006
not really - I'm messed up. We gave like $6000 already but technically "can" give more, though I'm being told we're not supposed to. Sometimes I want to just be rid of everything so I can no longer be holding back others who are more worthy.

Lori Lancaster | October 20, 2006
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Denise Sawicki | October 20, 2006
Getting rid of savings doesn't make a current impact but it makes a future impact I'm sure. Anyway, I'm just a bit insane and self-hating so in reality there's no issue, as we already gave a lot. (But the person says they will pay it back, so perhaps we've done nothing). Thanks for the input.

Aaron Shurtleff | October 20, 2006
Wow. I'm not sure what kind of back story there is or what I missed, but I don't think you can justify feeling evil and worthless because you don't give enough if you've already given $6000. Unless you're like Bill Gates rich or something, $6000 is a goodly sum of money. You shouldn't feel bad just because you can technically give more, if you know that giving more has the potential to put you into a bad situation down the road. Think of it like this: If you put yourself into a bad situation, then you will be even less able to help someone else out later if you need to. It's really to everyone's advantage that you are a saver! :)

Now barking puppies, I got nothing. I hope puppy classes do the trick.


Prayer for the Paranoid

Denise Sawicki posts whatever she feels able to post without serious consequences Read more »

More about the coat obsession

I know I already put the pictures on Facebook but I have such an infatuation with this coat that I need to post about it a bit :P. Here is the real dude in the real coat: Here is Darrell in our coat we just bought: Here's me in the coat: Here I am in the coat again (brighter shot): Anyhow, generally when you find pictures of this guy he has on the suspenders and no vest. He does wear a vest sometimes though! Go »

Welcome

Not a lot happens in my life that I feel I can talk about publicly! There's my work, but we all know you can't talk about that. We're involved in a politcal thing that, if life were like an episode of Monk, would surely get us all killed. Go »

Who are you calling a pipsqueak?

So now we have moved on to watching Fullmetal Alchemist. We borrowed season 1 from the library. I quite like it. Go »

supernaturally unlucky

Back among some of the first posts I made to this blog I had one called "False Hope" and another called "Another Irritating Thing". Well the same kind of thing has happened numerous more times to Darrell, but in the realm of writing, not music. Darrell and Darrin decided they were going to be writers... Go »

Now I remember why I live in North Dakota

It got hot all of a sudden the last few days, or what passes for hot in ND in early April (50s). It's like a spring break video out there, people prancing around in bikinis yelling "woo"... OK not quite but there is a marked change in demeanor. Go »

New Camera

I didn't realize you could get a digital camera for $15 now... Once I became aware of this fact, I had to have one! Darrin got rid of his camera phone and this will serve the same purpose. Go »