I just get so frustrated. I want my husband to be happy but the things he's decided will make him happy are completely out of our control (success at music). I wish something good would happen for him finally.

Our puppy has decided to start barking in the middle of the night. We hardly got any sleep. That's also my fault because I was obsessing about something. What does someone mean when they say "give what you can"? What I technically "can" give is a somewhat ridiculously large amount because I've been saving my whole life. But I don't want to give up our entire future financial security to people I honestly do not know. This probably makes me a bad person. Obviously it does. I just feel so totally evil and worthless so much of the time. There's no help for it really.

We are taking Philip to puppy school tonight, and then the guys have a show. So that means at least two car trips, since puppies aren't allowed in bars last I heard. Actually a sheltie attended one of the guys' shows once but it must have been a special sheltie to be allowed that. I don't much like shows on work nights. I'm not sure I can even stay awake that long. Then again, sometimes I lose the need for sleep, so it might be OK.

I've sometimes found around here that people don't know what the heck I mean if I use "Indian" to refer to a person from India. Then again, we are more backwards and lily-white here in ND than most places. Sorry for the confusion.

Five Replies to Frustrated

Lori Lancaster | October 19, 2006
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Denise Sawicki | October 19, 2006
not really - I'm messed up. We gave like $6000 already but technically "can" give more, though I'm being told we're not supposed to. Sometimes I want to just be rid of everything so I can no longer be holding back others who are more worthy.

Lori Lancaster | October 20, 2006
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Denise Sawicki | October 20, 2006
Getting rid of savings doesn't make a current impact but it makes a future impact I'm sure. Anyway, I'm just a bit insane and self-hating so in reality there's no issue, as we already gave a lot. (But the person says they will pay it back, so perhaps we've done nothing). Thanks for the input.

Aaron Shurtleff | October 20, 2006
Wow. I'm not sure what kind of back story there is or what I missed, but I don't think you can justify feeling evil and worthless because you don't give enough if you've already given $6000. Unless you're like Bill Gates rich or something, $6000 is a goodly sum of money. You shouldn't feel bad just because you can technically give more, if you know that giving more has the potential to put you into a bad situation down the road. Think of it like this: If you put yourself into a bad situation, then you will be even less able to help someone else out later if you need to. It's really to everyone's advantage that you are a saver! :)

Now barking puppies, I got nothing. I hope puppy classes do the trick.

Prayer for the Paranoid

Denise Sawicki posts whatever she feels able to post without serious consequences Read more »


Darrell just ordered an Atari on ebay. It just felt good to get annoyed with my mom first :) The guys are so excited looking over all the additional Atari games they could buy. I know it's kind of stupid to be buying that kind of thing instead of the hugely complex games that exist now, but Darrell said he wants the crawlspace to be a fun place without the kind of long, complicated game that can cause painful obsessions. Go »

Sewing Project?

So... we are into this goofy show "The Prisoner" lately and decided we want to go as people from that show for Halloween. That is, assuming anyone invites us to a party of any kind. Go »

Late Halloween post

Well now that my little goo is expired I can mention how our Halloween party went. I think it went OK. A few people knew who we were pretending to be. Go »

Long long break

Well I think I have to devote all my game energy to D&D for a long time because it's terribly complicated and not think about Rock Block at all for a while... Sorry I felt the need to check the card exchange anyhow... I hope when I traded a couple cards lately that people were satisfied with the outcome... Go »


Well I requested some time off work until January 3rd... For the price of 4 vacation days I get 11 days off. We're going to go visit my husband's older brother in Wisconsin around New Years... Go »


So I am rather pleased to have bought what seems to be a US Air Force greatcoat for $12.50 at a thrift store... Darrell wants to be Jack Harkness for the convention or for Halloween and I can't say I blame him. Go »