Should Burt Reynolds' fecal matter be worth more than Crispin Glover's? Which costs more: David Lee Roth's fecal matter or Sammy Hagar's urine? Start your Christmas list now for Celebrity Organic Waste Products.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Police Dogs

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: How was your day? Me: It was going so well until I got chased by a police dog. Brenda: Oh, sweet lord, why was a police dog chasing you? Go »

Durante Made A Living With That Nose

I really wish it were talent alone that made actors succeed in Hollywood. But (big shocker) looks and "who knows whom" still co-reigns with ability. Some individuals succeed without perfect looks and even with somewhat flawed looks. Go »

I'm Like Tyson Without a Face Tattoo

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: Where did you get that scar? me: Which one? Brenda: The one between your eyes. Go »

Me and Al Bundy

Recently, Brenda made the mistake of asking me to fix the toilet. It seemed to have gunk in the thingy that supplies the water and would only filll if I poked it with a paper clip in the spout thingy. You can tell I'm a semi-professional because of all the technical jargon. Go »

The Fragrance of Introverts

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: You look so busy. What are you working on now? Me: An advertisement for a cologne for introverts that hasn't been created yet. Go »

Schadenfreude

Is it wrong to laugh at goofy-looking mugshots? Probably on some level. I mean, the circumstances that led to these photographs being taken had to be well, criminal. Go »