Open Letter to a Lab Technician at Manatee Memorial Hospital
by Scott Hardie on February 17, 2025

Just a few things that I would have liked to have said if I could have gotten a word in edgewise:
- Yes, there is a strong correlation between ultra-processed food and obesity, but so far, no causal connection has been proven.
- No, organic produce is not *all* covered in pesticides anyway, although some is farmed using non-synthetic pesticide and some winds up exposed to synthetic pesticide anyway for a variety of reasons.
- Bill Gates promotes and invests in soy-based meat replacements because he believes that soy products are better for the environment and for human health. He does not do so because soy contains estrogen, which makes people compliant and easier to dominate, which will ease his takeover of the U.S. economy.
- The U.S. abandoned the gold standard because of its inflexibility in times of crisis, not because certain banking elites wanted control of the U.S. economy for themselves.
- The proportionate size of certain bankers' investments in the Federal Reserve System does not give them any greater control of the system over other regional banks. There is no secret cabal in charge of the Fed, nor will I find proof of this non-existent secret cabal's connections to Israel if I "just look it up."
- The Jews did not kill John F. Kennedy.
- The Fed does not print money in order to keep us all in debt so that we will be required to work in order to produce more capital for the rich and powerful, nor does the Fed create $1.25 of debt for every $1 that it prints.
- Schools do not require students to stand up, sit down, be quiet, request permission to speak, and so on in order to turn them into compliant future slaves. Schools require this out of the self-evident necessity of an orderly classroom.
- The teaching of cursive in public schools has not been eliminated so that Americans cannot read the original Constitution and thus not understand their rights when the country is soon taken over.
- This collapse of society was not "all planned in advance" in 1944 when the International Monetary Fund was established.
- My mind will not be blown if I look up "the actual cause of all of the plane crashes happening lately."
Five Replies to Open Letter to a Lab Technician at Manatee Memorial Hospital
Aaron Shurtleff | March 7, 2025
Holy cow! I feel like most of the time when I see my doctor, I barely have time to discuss my actual medical issues, much less get into these kinds of (what sound like) in-depth discussions.
Scott Hardie | March 8, 2025
This was a lab technician. It took him maybe 20-25 minutes to hook me up to a lot of sensors and electrodes, so there was plenty of time. I made the (innocent?) mistake of egging him on a little at the beginning by agreeing with him about ultra-processed food, but after that he was off to the races by himself and I wasn't able to get an opening, nor did I really want one. The only restraint that he showed was backing off from the antisemitism after one mention of "Israeli bankers" when it was clear that I was uncomfortable with that, but apparently I wasn't giving clear uncomfortable-with-all-of-this vibes. :-\
Evie Totty | March 8, 2025
Good God.
Erik Bates | March 9, 2025
[hidden by author request]
Logical Operator
The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Final Chapter
The movies that are going to be written about in Brittany Murphy's obituaries are Just Married, 8 Mile, Clueless, and maybe Sin City. But the one most sadly relevant is a movie that few people saw, The Dead Girl. Each chapter of the movie shows how a different woman is affected by the discovery of a woman's body in a field, until the last chapter doubles back and shows us her haunting final days. Go »
Haute cuisine
Today I came across this photo gallery of independent restaurants around our area. Some of them we've enjoyed, like GooCon favorite The Lobster Pot, and others are ones we just haven't gotten around to yet. As pretty as the food looks, I find myself looking at the dining rooms and noticing how many of them look decorated for private parties. Go »
Illinois 2013: Four Pictures
As a follow-up to my Illinois road trip, here are photos taken at our engagement party. Shown are Kelly and me, Matthew Preston with his wife Liz, and Jackie Mason with her husband Will. I wish that our photographer Lori Lancaster was in one of the shots, but I'm grateful to her for taking the pictures all the same. Go »
How to Get on My Bad Side
Sign me up for information about lap band surgery, using my work email address and work phone number. I've been getting calls from various hospitals since last week. At first I thought it was my friend and co-worker Aaron (not Shurtleff), since he has a mischievous sense of humor, but he denies it. Go »
More Nerd Humor
Thanks, Kelly. Go »










Scott Hardie | February 17, 2025
P.S. The thing that you were mad about but couldn't remember the name of was quantitative easing.