"So this guy is on a dinner date, and he has terrible gas, but he waits because he doesn't want to be embarrassed. When they get back to her house, he can't wait any longer. He desperately asks where her bathroom is, and she says first door on the left. He hurries into the first door on the right, shuts the door in the dark, rips ass for twenty seconds, then flicks on the light and discovers that he's in her parents' bedroom. And they're sitting up in bed staring at him in their pajamas."

"Ha! That's a good joke."

"That's not a joke! That guy was my best friend back home!"


Two Replies to Other Contents Under Pressure

Anna Gregoline | September 18, 2006
What an idiot - he couldn't have used the bathroom at the restaurant?

Kerry Odell | October 20, 2006
Sounds like the time my soon to be husband took me to his parents' house in the middle of the night to use the bathroom....I pleaded for the 7-11 and was sorry when I had to meet them for the first time walking through their bedroom to use the only bathroom in the house! Talk about colossal bad judgement on his part /:) Good thing they had a sense of humor, which has been passed on to my son!


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

New Dog Upstairs

Third in a series? I don't think I need to spell this one out. Needless to say, the dog seems to live in a cage directly over my kitchen, and its only hobby is barking nonstop, 24 hours a day. Go »

Halloween Party 2006

Last night I had the privilege to attend a Halloween party thrown by Miah (Jeremiah) Poisson and his fiancĂ©e Ines Sarante, which doubled as Miah's birthday party. My thanks to the hosts! I had a great time. Go »

Not in My Back Yard

I love Unsolved Mysteries. The show told such interesting stories in perfect bite-size pieces, and knew how to make the hair on your neck stand up. I wish they were more objective in their reporting and didn't rely on pseudoscience as evidence (using psychics to prove ghosts and polygraph results to condemn criminals), but damn they put on an entertaining show. Go »

R.I.P. Mom

You were so still in your bed when I could finally sit down beside you, a few hours after the facility notified me that you had died. I hadn't seen you be that peaceful in years, your eyes not scanning the room for clues, your hands not turning over each object in front of you for endlessly repeated examination. I whispered to you the most urgent and most precious things I had to say, the secrets and atonements and wishes foremost on my mind. Go »

Dr. Jerk

I wish doctors would treat me like a person, instead of a fat person. No matter what complaint sends me to the doctor in the first place, within minutes, every visit turns into a conversation about how I need to lose weight, and what will happen if I don't. Like I haven't tried a thousand times to lose weight. Go »

Pass Me the Green, I Need Some Trees with My Tennessee

Kelly and I just took a short vacation to Gatlinburg: Two days there, with two full days of driving to make it happen. We've been itching to get out of the house during this awful pandemic (and to use Kelly's PTO before it expires), but with options limited for places to go safely, we realized that we could rent a cabin with family and just go hiking and birdwatching and grilling, avoiding crowds in favor of natural spaces. Kelly's immediate family from Illinois drove over to join us. Go »