For those of you who will be pulled over by the police and asked the inevitable question, "Because I'm smokin' hot" is not the correct answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Live and learn.


Twelve Replies to Public Service Announcement

Amy Austin | July 20, 2009
Seriously?

Scott Hardie | July 20, 2009
What about the appropriate obscene slurs to drunkenly shout as you're being handcuffed? Can you help me with those?

Steve West | July 20, 2009
The following have never worked for me:
1. You're embarassing the other Village People!
2. No, YOU assume the position!
3. Don't break my crack pipe!

Jackie Mason | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Lori Lancaster | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Jackie Mason | July 21, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Steve West | July 29, 2009
In my world, when a cop gave you a ticket, every smart ass remark you made would actually reduce the fine.

Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Steve: Damn fast. I was spillin' my beer everywhere!
Cop: Nice. That's $10.00 off the fine.

Scott Hardie | July 29, 2009
Conversely, would you increase your fine by being deadly serious about the situation? Because I think Henry Louis Gates would have to take out a second mortgage.

Amy Austin | July 29, 2009
LOL!!!

Steve West | July 28, 2010
Bad responses cont'd:

A policeman pulled me over recently and during our chat he claimed that my eyes were looking a little red. Was I high on something?

I was just tired and this was partly responsible for me responding with, "Your eyes look a little glazed officer. Have you been eating donuts?"

He let me off with a warning but I swear I saw his hand reaching for the taser.

Tony Peters | July 28, 2010
I was once pulled over sweaty, half in my Gi, carrying a sword on my way home from class.....I was told that I looked nervous sweating....I told him no I haven't been drinking but if he'd like I'd be happy to cut the next drunk they found in half....the white cop was a bit freaked the half hawaiian/Japanese cop smiled and said to have a nice night and clean the sweat off my sword

I was pulled over twice last year once for 29mph in a school zone (I escaped with court costs because I was polite (it was also 20 degrees and I was on my motorcycle)) the second time was days after I bought my truck....I honestly wasn't used to driving at that point and was doing 47 in a 35 zone....however I had a veterans plate....the kind officer was more interested in knowing that the plate was mine ( I showed him my retired ID) and asking me to keep my speed less that 10 over...I don't speed anymore

Scott Hardie | September 15, 2010


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Crash Test Your Car

Curious about the performance of your car, or any other for that matter, in a crash test? Watch crash dummy after crash dummy suffer serious neck injury in front and side impact crash tests. You pick the make,model and year of car but sadly not the face painted on the dummy. Go »

Worst Pun Ever

Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: What are you grilling for dinner? me: Wookie steak. Go »

Christmas Post #4: I Want A Piece Of Uranus

A former boss of mine once said something similar to me but not in those exact words. This site claims to be selling the planet Uranus. The text is presented very tongue in cheek but they do appear to be actually selling stuff; bumper stickers and mousepads that claim "I own Uranus". Go »

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

At 11:00 a.m., Brenda called me from the school where she works and told me that she had fallen and was unable to drive home. She needed me to 1) find a second driver for her car, 2) come get her and take her to urgent care and 3) make sure that Olivia is taken care of when she arrives home in an hour. Go »

And No Need for Anaesthesia

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I've decided that I'm not going to play that "got your nose" game with our grandkids. Brenda: Oh, really? me: Yeah, I'm going to play "got your appendix" instead. Go »

I'm Down To My Socks... It's Posting Time.

Flight of the Conchords rule! 2 Quarts of Tanning Lotion, Stat! Lots of stuff spilled in the road by trucks. Go »