For those of you who will be pulled over by the police and asked the inevitable question, "Because I'm smokin' hot" is not the correct answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Live and learn.

Twelve Replies to Public Service Announcement

Amy Austin | July 20, 2009

Scott Hardie | July 20, 2009
What about the appropriate obscene slurs to drunkenly shout as you're being handcuffed? Can you help me with those?

Steve West | July 20, 2009
The following have never worked for me:
1. You're embarassing the other Village People!
2. No, YOU assume the position!
3. Don't break my crack pipe!

Jackie Mason | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Lori Lancaster | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Jackie Mason | July 21, 2009
[hidden by author request]

Steve West | July 29, 2009
In my world, when a cop gave you a ticket, every smart ass remark you made would actually reduce the fine.

Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Steve: Damn fast. I was spillin' my beer everywhere!
Cop: Nice. That's $10.00 off the fine.

Scott Hardie | July 29, 2009
Conversely, would you increase your fine by being deadly serious about the situation? Because I think Henry Louis Gates would have to take out a second mortgage.

Amy Austin | July 29, 2009

Steve West | July 28, 2010
Bad responses cont'd:

A policeman pulled me over recently and during our chat he claimed that my eyes were looking a little red. Was I high on something?

I was just tired and this was partly responsible for me responding with, "Your eyes look a little glazed officer. Have you been eating donuts?"

He let me off with a warning but I swear I saw his hand reaching for the taser.

Tony Peters | July 28, 2010
I was once pulled over sweaty, half in my Gi, carrying a sword on my way home from class.....I was told that I looked nervous sweating....I told him no I haven't been drinking but if he'd like I'd be happy to cut the next drunk they found in half....the white cop was a bit freaked the half hawaiian/Japanese cop smiled and said to have a nice night and clean the sweat off my sword

I was pulled over twice last year once for 29mph in a school zone (I escaped with court costs because I was polite (it was also 20 degrees and I was on my motorcycle)) the second time was days after I bought my truck....I honestly wasn't used to driving at that point and was doing 47 in a 35 zone....however I had a veterans plate....the kind officer was more interested in knowing that the plate was mine ( I showed him my retired ID) and asking me to keep my speed less that 10 over...I don't speed anymore

Scott Hardie | September 15, 2010

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »


Washed up on the shores of my PC. In the spirit of Monty Python & The Holy Grail intro, "Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked," comes this notice. Beautiful pictures of a fairly clever notion, holding the sun. Go »


Go »

Japanese Terebi Game Shows

I'm convinced that Japanese game show producers are violently insane. Here's a sampling of what I mean. Go »

I Tap My Magic Wand

This is just the coolest fountain. It may appear photoshopped but this actually has a pipe hidden within the water flow that supplies the water. I really have hopes that when I buy "Barbie's Dream House" (the euphemism my daughter and I use for our future house), a smaller version of this will be in my library. Go »

Guns are Not Really a Laughing Matter

Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: What would be the hardest thing for you to give up for Lent? Me: Shooting guns. Go »

Auntie Em! It's a Twister, It's a Twister!

What the wind blew in this week. According to this chart, Rambo V will have someone die in the first minute of the film and five deaths per minute following. It's official, Robin Williams has turned into a troll. Go »

Go for the Gold!

Predict this year's Oscar winners and earn a prize!