Recent conversation with Brenda:

Brenda: After getting a new toilet, I'm seriously in the mood for a new bathroom.

me: Oh, really.

Brenda: Yes, really. And after that I'm thinking a new kitchen.

me: I can fix the kitchen with a hand grenade.

Brenda: That'll get me new cabinets?

me: No, but it'll get you Linoleum Blownapart.

Brenda: (obviously wasted joke on her) But I want new cabinets.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Anchors Aweigh

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: (after observing me sucking in my stomach while standing on a scale) Ha! Me: What? Brenda: Sucking in your blubber won't help! Go »

The Real Colon Blow Cereal

Holy metaphors, Batman! This recent All-Bran commercial from Kellogg's touts its ability to aid one in shitting enough bricks to build a barbecue. Go »

Farewell, My Brother

Brenda's brother, Scott, was in a motorcycle accident yesterday and without knowing any details of the accident, I do know that he was killed. I loved him very much and I know he loved me back. I wrote this simple tribute to him that I was forced to end because I couldn't stop crying. Go »

Phallic Logo Awards

Most of these fall under the "They Had To Have Noticed" category. I'll never look at another Head tennis racket quite the same way again. The winner is absolutely hilarious. Go »

That's Good Eatin'

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: (Looking through mailer) Would you like to go to Floyd's Barbecue? me: Why would I want that? Brenda: We could get $5.00 Go »

Brenda's Diet Diary

Dear Diet Diary, As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Lauren (what a thoughtful darling), bought me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 40 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio (ooh what a name) who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Go »