She Obviously Wants To Outsource
by Steve West on April 10, 2013
Recent conversation with Brenda:
Brenda: After getting a new toilet, I'm seriously in the mood for a new bathroom.
me: Oh, really.
Brenda: Yes, really. And after that I'm thinking a new kitchen.
me: I can fix the kitchen with a hand grenade.
Brenda: That'll get me new cabinets?
me: No, but it'll get you Linoleum Blownapart.
Brenda: (obviously wasted joke on her) But I want new cabinets.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Baby Boomer Blues
I overheard someone of my generation (born in the early 60's) recently say, "Kids today don't even know how to write in cursive," in a negative way. That statement got grumbled agreement from the codgers nearby. I was thinking without saying out loud, "Grandma, you can't even turn on your laptop without getting six viruses and wiring half your retirement money to a Nigerian Prince." Go »Loud, Louder, Standing Next To A Jet Engine
A few nights ago, Brenda and I took the girls to Baltimore for a follow-up appointment for Olivia at Johns Hopkins Medical Center. She is treated at their Epilepsy clinic because of seizures. The appointment went well enough that we decided to take advantage of being in Baltimore by having dinner at the Hard Rock Café there. Go »Never Volunteer, Dummy
Ever since seeing Anthony Hopkins in Magic, ventriloquists and their evil dummies have given me the creeps. This guy does as well but I laughed nonetheless. I think I could sit through his entire act but could never get past the queasiness and actually volunteer like this guy did. Go »Pass the Ketchup
This heavily rehearsed Go »I'm a Doctor, Not a Kitchen Appliance!
My toaster has a timer on it that let's you know when it's finished. It seems a little silly to add a timer beeping that's a redundant addition to the toast loudly popping up from the machine that means the same thing. So now, because the timer emits a sound eerily similar to an EKG indicating flatline, every time it goes off I'll say to Brenda, "He's bread, Jim." Go »
