"Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid/Unspoken"
by Amy Austin on November 1, 2009
At least... that's what I always hear. It's a rule that was invented to protect *everyone*, I'm sure, but it seems like I am *always* on "the poop end" of that stick! Either I am in need of hearing something that will never be said (good or bad)... which will drive me crazy for much longer than the person not saying anything could possibly realize (it's like leaving a broom by the door -- I will count those straws all night, yes, indeedy!) and thus defeating the purpose, I am sure! ...Or else I am the one "needing" to say something that I totally should not be saying (and I think everyone here must know by now how well I deal with that! I *am* getting better, though...)
Hell, I've even been burned when I wasn't even the one doing the speaking *or* the spoken to... and lost a friendship because of other people's inability to follow this fucking rule! (And this is just one more reason to hate diaries/blogs, too!!! Or snoops, if such things are meant to stay private.)
Hm. I know I've been party to discussions about people who weren't around at the time -- where I speak quite freely when given permission by those around me -- does this make me a hypocrite??? (Yes... which fills me with self-loathing.) Last night, I was around a group with whom I have varying degrees of acquaintance (from best friend of 18 years to not even remembering certain names), and there is a husband/wife among them (whose names I often have to be reminded of) whom I have often seen discussed immediately following their departure from gatherings with this group. Last night was different because the husband came alone... but no different in that he and his soon-to-be ex-wife were discussed immediately upon his departure.
The things I know about this couple are kind of private... but also, by their very nature, do not at all lend themselves well to staying private (in sum: she is bulimic, and he has been very supportive, but she has been cheating on him, and now *she* wants a divorce... yiii!) It's more than I'd really care to know about people I can't even always remember the first names of, but... there it is. About as easy to hide as a drug problem.
And it makes me realize some terribly uncomfortable things. Like, for instance, that being part of any social group means that you *will* be discussed... by friends and people you can't stand alike. Like... Ed kept me distinctly *out* of his social circles, which on the one hand is good (see above), but on the other hand tells me that he was ashamed of me... which hurts deeply. (And another thing, while we're on the subject of Ed... he and his new "family" could get the fuck out of my dreams any time now, thank you very much! I'm not even having any discussion with him!!!) Like... I am far more neurotic and self-conscious than even I realize when I think about things like what is being said when I leave a room. Or before I enter it. Or when I'm not even in it at all. Everything from Hanlon's Razor to Finagle's Law comes to mind, and... there you have it. How a seemingly social extrovert winds up actually living as an anti-social hermit. Sigh.
Some things really are better left unsaid... including this post, I am sure.
I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.
They're all going to laugh at you!
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