Summer of Suck
by Scott Hardie on July 2, 2016
It's been a tough summer so far. Here's venting.
- Some good people were laid off in my department. Not only do I have to see friends out of work, but I have to do their jobs on top of mine. Last week I worked sixty hours. I took this job to get away from sixty-hour weeks. If you've noticed me participating online less lately, that's why. Also: I strongly dislike the projects I've taken over. They're miserable and exactly the kind of development work that I don't like doing. Also: I used to work from home on Fridays, which relieved stress and let me get extra sleep, but that policy ended a month ago. My fingers are crossed that it's coming back, now that the VP who ended it is one of the co-workers eliminated.
- Kelly and I have been struggling with bills, mostly due to a hospital visit and the veterinarian, and the bank account keeps getting emptied out as soon as we get paid. We are looking at canceling our weekend in New York next month, and buying a house in our thirties is starting to feel like an impossible dream. This problem on the list will go away sooner or later, as Kelly's company will cover 100% of a spouse's medical expenses, but in the meantime we're stuck waiting for that money to come in.
- Our primary car broke down. My mother was very generous three years ago to give us her little-driven 2007 Lincoln LS when she was buying a new car, but since then I've sunk more money into repairing that old car than it's worth. Now its transmission is failing and needs a $4600 replacement, when the car is only worth around $3200. I'm done sinking money into that car, but buying a replacement is the last thing that we have time or money to take on right now, especially since we don't have a trade-in. We have an old secondary car that we're sharing, but I have to get up at 5:30am to have enough time to get Kelly to her office and drive all the way across town to mine. (Did I mention that Kelly's drivers license went missing? Until the replacement arrives in two weeks, I'm stuck doing all of the driving, and we have to worry about identity theft.) Between rising early and working overtime, I'm exhausted.
- This shit.
- My weight is out of control. I have eaten too much over the last year and a half, and crept back up to 400 pounds. It's still better than the ~550 at my worst, but a disappointment after reaching 320 around the time of my wedding. Being this size is a nuisance and frustration in too many ways to list here. I diet for a day or two and then awful emotions pressure me into gorging again, which in turn makes me feel even worse. I'm disgusted with myself and worried that I won't ever be able to succeed at weight loss again. Ongoing health problems also make every meal (on diet or off) a minefield of ingredients that might possibly make me painfully ill.
- Things are bad for friends. One is fighting metastatic cancer. Another is so long out of work that he's on the brink of homelessness, which will be extra hard as he's disabled. Another's house flooded. Others have suffered deaths in the family. A bunch of them are newly laid off, as noted above. My Facebook friend feed is getting too depressing to keep checking, for fear of what could go wrong next.
I always feel guilty complaining about my problems, because other people have it worse. I'm sure whoever's reading this has their own financial problems and health problems and so on that are worse than mine. Hell, it's one reason why I read advice columns; hearing the really tough problems of other people reminds me to appreciate what good fortune I usually have. But anxiety and depression over the above problems has consumed my days and nights lately. I haven't felt really good in months. I must keep reminding myself to muddle through and have patience for the good times that will inevitably, eventually return. Here's hoping for a better autumn.
Eight Replies to Summer of Suck
Scott Hardie | July 2, 2016
Thanks, Chris. I have faith that it will get better. Then again, I just checked my Facebook friend feed and someone posted a long sad message about putting her beloved cat to sleep today, the third dying-pet message I've seen in a week. Oy.
Aaron Shurtleff | July 3, 2016
I can sympathize with the depression and anxiety, having been through it before. I know it's a tough row to hoe, but it does get better in the end, even if you can't always see it at the time.
[sarcasm]And besides, President Trump will make America great again, so you always have that to look forward to!! [/sarcasm]
I hate to even suggest it*, but can I help? I'm not drowning in good fortune, but I'd sure love to help out for all the joy and happiness you have brought to me, both personally and through the site.
*I hate to suggest it, not because I don't really want to help, but because I don't want other people to see my offer and feel they should do the same. Peer pressure is one hell of a drug.
Scott Hardie | July 3, 2016
You are very kind to offer! Thanks, but this will pass. We normally keep some money saved to cope with big sudden expenses and happen to have used it up; we'll have it rebuilt before long. I got some sleep this weekend and feel much better. One by one, the problems will get resolved.
Scott Hardie | July 3, 2016
We shouldn't feel peer pressure, I hope. We all have our own issues, and caring should be enough. I know of another Funeratic member facing some different ordeals this summer and my heart goes out to that person. I want everybody to be happy and healthy and safe, and successful in whatever goals they pursue. :-)
Denise Sawicki | July 27, 2016
I'm sorry to hear about all this stuff going on with you. I hope things have improved since you posted this and will continue to get better!
Scott Hardie | August 7, 2016
Thanks, Denise. Something far worse than the above happened when one of Kelly's closest friends passed away suddenly in her sleep. The two had talked daily for the last few years and the loss has been felt acutely in their circle of friends. We've worked our way through some of the grief and Kelly is looking forward to an event next month to honor the woman's memory. But beyond that loss, other things are improving -- we bought a new van and new phones (viva credit!), and our financial situation is improving. We're making plans for a family visit at Christmas and keeping busy. I hope your summer is going better on the whole than ours.
Lori Lancaster | October 31, 2016
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Chris Lemler | July 2, 2016
Sorry Scott. Things only can look up from here. Keep your head up and pray that things turn around