Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals... | Tragic Comedy

... another encounter with Ugly On A Stick.

I had no idea she was even there until she went out of her way to shout, 'HiiiIIIiiiii' from an aisle away. It took me a few seconds to recognize that she was directing this towards me. I politely nodded back in her direction (always the gentleman) but initiated an avoidance maneuver by taking a hard left down the juice aisle. Avoiding is only delayed since she has the only register open for those of us with more than 10 items. It went something like this:

UOAS: Vegetable crackers? I mean, vegetables are actually in the crackers? That seems kinda lazy.
Me: Actually it's efficient. And I'm told they're brain food.
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah, my daughter eats them all the time. Eight years old and she reads Proust at bedtime.

UOAS (eyeing the small amount of grapes I chose): That's not a lot of grapes. Doesn't seem worth it.
Me: Actually, if my daughter eats too many she gets flatulent.
UOAS: What's flatulent?
Me: Cranky.
UOAS: Yeah, I get flatulent after a long shift.
Me: I have no doubt.

UOAS (Eyeing my coupons): I don't use coupons. It's too hard to keep straight how many items I have to buy to use them and I keep forgetting the expiration dates.
Me: I recommend the vegetable crackers.

So, shopping on Fridays goes on the same blacklist as Saturdays. Forewarned is forearmed as the quote goes.

Three Replies to Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals...

Matthew Preston | February 27, 2010
LOL, and I don't use that acronym very often. I just bust out laughing at this post Steve to which my wife called out from downstairs, "What's so funny?!"

Scott Hardie | February 27, 2010
If shitmydadsays can become a sitcom, I'm sure this series can too. Good stuff.

Lori Lancaster | March 3, 2010
[hidden by author request]

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

What Goes Up...

Lauren and I went on that rock climbing event that she won during daddy/daughter bingo night. I corresponded with her principal, a nice guy who does this often. I asked him what I needed to bring besides bandages and his only recommendation was loose clothing. Go »

Stay-cation Week III

Leave it to Amy to call it what it is. She's 100% right so far but wait till Friday. Today's schedule was a little tight because we used up the morning clothes shopping for school. Go »

The Anniversary Gift

My 10th anniversary of marriage to my lovely child-bride, Brenda will be on November 7th. I read the following story on Amyoops.com but it was not credited. Go »

Shaken And Stirred Too For Good Measure

Semi-bizarre gallery devoted to people shaking their faces, having any loose skin flop around, and photographing the results. Go »

I Died a Spy

Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: When I die, I want people to believe I led a double life. Brenda: How and more importantly, why? Me: Try to respect my dying wish. Go »