My toaster has a timer on it that let's you know when it's finished. It seems a little silly to add a timer beeping that's a redundant addition to the toast loudly popping up from the machine that means the same thing. So now, because the timer emits a sound eerily similar to an EKG indicating flatline, every time it goes off I'll say to Brenda, "He's bread, Jim."


Two Replies to I'm a Doctor, Not a Kitchen Appliance!

Scott Hardie | June 5, 2025
You're lucky that it's not a smart toaster that texts you that your toast is ready, blogs about it, and then shares the blog post across all of your social media. "She cannae make much more, cap'n!"

Steve West | June 5, 2025
True that.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

My Second Dad

Earlier this week, I lost my father-in-law to lung cancer. He was a beautiful man who welcomed me into his family after marrying his oldest daughter. Family isn’t always blood. Go »

Love Letter and Goodbye

I had a very strange thing happen to me this morning. Overnight, I had a dream that featured my ex-wife, Betsy. I told Brenda about it and wondered what the image of Betsy represented in my subconscious that made me wake with such a clear image of her. Go »

Christmas Post #1: Yeah, I Said Christmas

It's way before Thanksgiving, I know. But I'm doing my part to save those last minute shoppers from themselves. Allowing time for the infamous shipping & handling, now is the time to begin the annual spending free-for-all. Go »

The Anniversary Gift

My 10th anniversary of marriage to my lovely child-bride, Brenda will be on November 7th. I read the following story on Amyoops.com but it was not credited. Go »

Double Talk with a Forked Tongue

I've decided that from now on, I'm going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. Friend (voter): "Steve, what are you gonna do this weekend?" Me (blahblahblah): "That's a great question and an important one. Go »

Out of the Closet and into the Stratosphere

So Tom Cruise wants to go into outer space and meet aliens. I think I can scrounge together a few bucks for a one-way ticket. Any other takers? Go »