Renaissance: Everything Old Is New Again
by Steve West on August 24, 2008

The Maryland Renaissance Festival is an annual event that takes place on eight consecutive weekends each year at an outdoor site in Crownsville, MD. It usually starts right around when school does so Brenda and I have been distracted away from going for several years. We promised the girls we would absolutely go this year for their mini-vacation.
The Festival in one word would be cleavage. I saw more cleavage than an Elvira marathon. Without even trying to, you understand. Costumed people say period things and engage each other in mock conversation for any passersby benefit and amusement. A hundred different booths and shops sell clothing and costumes, glass blown objets d'art, sculpture, wax casts of your face and hands, face painters, masks, satyr and nymph horn headgear, fake weapons, hand carved walking sticks, etc., etc., etc...
The foods were hilarious but tasty offerings like 'steak on a stake' and entire turkey legs. And lots and lots of mead.
Entertainment (besides cleavage) consisted of sword swallowers, jugglers, people on stilts, pony and elephant rides, story tellers, short plays like Macbeth in 20 minutes or less, jousting and archery demonstrations, as well as modern day boardwalk games done with a middle ages twist.
Most items (including admission) were incredibly reasonable except for the elephant ride which cost me $30.00 for the four of us. But now I can check that off of the list of things to do before I die. The jester that was annoying me backed off when I told him that, "Methinks you better back the hell off or I'll putteth my foot up your ass" Tried to stay in the spirit of things but that guy was not funny and he was scaring my kids. Cute little playground was there too and after I bought Lauren a souveneir princess cone hat with the silk veil thingy coming out of the top, a lot of the characters began referring to her as M'lady and one goth chick stopped her and said, "Awesome hat!" That made her day. Now she loves pirates because they're so gallant. How many bad marriages occur because young girls think pirates are gallant? Sigh.
Overall, it was the highlight of our vacation and I hope we go again sometime.
Four Replies to Renaissance: Everything Old Is New Again
Steve West | August 24, 2008
Yes, completely rhetorical and thoroughly tongue in cheek. It's just I didn't have the heart to tell her that pirates were thieves and murderers, she was so enchanted.
Amy Austin | August 24, 2008
As was mine...
Though it just so happens that a certain party is attending a conference in your neck of the woods, and I can't help but imagine an intervention... ;-)
Tony Peters | August 24, 2008
I remember mead and oyster shooters at that festival...I have yet to find one as good as that one
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

How Old Is Too Old For Santa Claus?
My daughter Lauren wrote a letter to Santa in which she asked him for nothing - just a letter to say what a cool guy she thinks he is. It has a few misspellings and a grammar error or two and it's not written with the greatest penmanship. And it's completely adorable. Go »
I'm a Doctor, Not a Kitchen Appliance!
My toaster has a timer on it that let's you know when it's finished. It seems a little silly to add a timer beeping that's a redundant addition to the toast loudly popping up from the machine that means the same thing. So now, because the timer emits a sound eerily similar to an EKG indicating flatline, every time it goes off I'll say to Brenda, "He's bread, Jim." Go »
Crash Test Your Car
Curious about the performance of your car, or any other for that matter, in a crash test? Watch crash dummy after crash dummy suffer serious neck injury in front and side impact crash tests. You pick the make,model and year of car but sadly not the face painted on the dummy. Go »
A Story Without Words
I can't imagine being disfigured as an adult. I've read articles and seen pictorials of veterans wounded in the war and losing a limb or being disfigured by fire. And then those soldiers coming home to their fiancĂ©es to be married. Go »
Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes...
My wife has been bugging me lately about the amount of time I spend on the computer. She claims she's merely trying to restore my perspective. Fine. Go »
Amy Austin | August 24, 2008
How many bad marriages occur because young girls think pirates are gallant?
Is that a rhetorical question??? I wasn't *that* young...