The Proposal
by Scott Hardie on November 3, 2012
By now, the news is out that Kelly and I are engaged. We couldn't be happier about it! Here's the full story for anyone interested.
Obviously we've wanted this for years. We dated off and on in high school and college, and got engaged once before in 2002. Certain stresses kept us apart for a few years, but we wanted each other back and slowly, carefully made it happen. Kelly has been living with me here in Florida for five years now, and money issues kept me from buying a ring. The longer I went without buying a ring, the bigger I felt it had be to make up for the wait, and the harder it became to buy one. Early this year, we mostly solved our financial problems, and we agreed to get a small ring because neither of us wants to spend extravagant sums on any part of getting married, so the proposal became a matter of when instead of if.
Knowing that we were going up north to visit her family in October, I decided to propose then. I planned to go out to dinner with her parents our first night in town and ask in front of them, after giving a speech about how our families have felt like one for a long time now. I must have practiced variations of that speech in my head a hundred times over the summer and fall. I spent weeks shopping for rings until I found just the right one, something I knew we would both like, that would be small enough not to interfere with her handmade crafting projects, that suited our budget. She doesn't wear jewelry, so I had to guess at the size (and was lucky to get it right).
Everything was all set to go a week before the trip, but I decided to do some research on proposing, just to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. Every source I read said the same: Do not propose in front of family, because it's supposed to be a moment just for the two of you. Crap! That was my whole plan! I knew the advice was right, so I had to change gears in a hurry. I didn't want to wait until after the trip, because we would want to share the happy news with people on the way. I didn't want to propose when we were alone on the trip, because some road-side Stuckey's just wasn't going to cut it. I had to propose before the trip.
I decided to propose on the night before we left town (October 18), at a quiet little Italian place on the south side of Sarasota that we like. I specifically chose it in search of a place where we would have privacy, since Kelly doesn't like to be the center of attention. I used the excuse of this being my first meal off diet in months to choose the dinner location myself.
After we placed our orders, I told Kelly that I had a long story that I wanted to share, and asked her to let me get it all out without tangents. I talked about the early days of our relationship, how she once demonstrated a unique understanding of my sense of humor, making me realize how perfect she was for me. I talked about other examples of love, like how hard it is for me to say no to her, and how hard the years apart were. Finally, I talked about how we've worked hard to get back the elements of our relationship that we had lost, and only one remained: Being engaged.
When I reached into my pocket for the ring, Kelly realized what was about to happen and panicked a little. "No no no, not here!" he started to protest, not liking public places or attention. "I don't mean 'no no no' is my answer. 'Yes!' is my answer of course!" I hadn't even gotten the ring out of my pocket yet, but I wasn't going to stop what I'd started!
She opened the ring and put it on. I asked to be clear, if she would marry me. She said yes. I got up to kiss her, but I refrained from getting down on one knee because I didn't want to attract attention to her. (I dropped to one knee later that night at home.) As far as I could tell, no one in the restaurant noticed, or at least they didn't say anything if they did. We had so much fun talking about it over the next hour.
Mostly, the proposal was a success: The occasion was happy, the answer was yes, and we had memories to last for years. There was only one problem that I didn't anticipate, which was how hard it was going to be to keep it secret. We agreed to tell friends and family in person on our vacation, which meant keeping the news off of Facebook and Funeratic for a couple of weeks. I was prepared for this, but Kelly wasn't, and keeping the secret proved to be arduous. Every time we told someone, we had to clarify that we were keeping it private so they didn't congratulate us on our timelines, and we had to pose for vacation pictures without Kelly's left hand in the frame. When we got back, it took a few more days to send emails and make phone calls to certain people who we wanted to tell directly before the "public" announcement, and in the end we still didn't get to tell a few people in time.
Everyone took the news well, of course. There was no excited squealing among girlfriends -- we're just not like that -- but the happiness was sincere all around. A few people gently mocked how long it took for this to happen, which irked me just a little because they didn't know our situation or how badly I wanted to propose sooner, but I knew that they truly wished us the best and I appreciated it. If I've been slow to answer messages this week on Funeratic or Facebook, it's because of the avalanche of congratulatory messages that I'm still working through.
Of course, people are already asking about the wedding date and details. We have no idea yet. We've talked about a wedding in an abstract sense for years now, but we're only just started discussing real specifics. We know how we make those decisions, so we'll get there soon enough. I can't say how grateful I am to have the well wishes of family and friends, and how much it means to me that Kelly and I are taking this step in our lives. She means the world to me, and I love to treat her like it.
Nine Replies to The Proposal
Steve West | November 4, 2012
I'm glad you did it privately with just the two of you, it was the right way to go. I'm thrilled for you both and have complete confidence that divorce statistics be damned - this is a marriage that will last! You truly represent the perfect couple in my mind and expect nothing but a happy and successful union. There will be trouble spots, of course (what marriage doesn't?) but love will triumph. There's apparently plenty of that in your relationship. Congratulations.
Erik Bates | November 5, 2012
[hidden by author request]
Scott Hardie | November 6, 2012
Thanks everybody. :-) We did ultimately have a Chinese dinner out with Kelly's parents on the first night of our visit, the one where I had originally planned to propose, and we spent most of the conversation talking about the engagement. I kept the fortune from my cookie: "Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you."
Erik Bates | November 6, 2012
[hidden by author request]
Scott Hardie | November 8, 2012
Definitely! But they're are not always so nice. A few days later, we had a Chinese lunch with cousins upstate. When the fortune cookies came around, Kelly happily recited the original fortune so everybody could hear it, and we all hoped that the second fortune would say something similarly optimistic about our engagement. The cookie said: "Maybe it's time to try something new."
Erik Bates | November 8, 2012
[hidden by author request]
Matthew Preston | November 8, 2012
This reminds me of a Simpson's clip from years ago. But then again, what doesn't remind me of one?
Chris Lemler | November 8, 2012
Congrats to the both of you Scott
Logical Operator
The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »
Christmas 2016
After a hectic househunt and move, it was nice to have a family vacation to take a break from everything. The whole visit had already been planned back in the summer, and we had spent six months saving up plenty of money to pay for it, so all we had to do was relax and enjoy it. Kelly's father Russ and brother Andy, and Andy's boyfriend Joe flew in for a week. Go »Crikey
I saw a trailer for a new Free Willy movie coming out soon, starring Bindi Irwin. They're going to cash in on that kid for as long as they can, before she breaks down and can't be Miss Junior Croc Hunter and more. Maybe working in the same career that killed her dad is good for her psyche; who am I to be skeptical? Go »Rambling Phone Post
Does it make sense for me to keep my phone? Work has provided me with a cell phone. I broke my home phone last weekend, and I could buy another one at Target for ten bucks, but I wonder if I should finally kick the $45 monthly bill and stick to either the cell phone or something like Skype (for which I'd have to buy a mic). Go »The Wedding
Kelly and I wed on March 15, an event that we've been looking forward to for a very long time. Despite keeping the wedding modest and casual, it still involved a great deal of planning and anxiety, occupying my attention for the last few months. (Kelly was in charge of her outfit; I planned everything else, with her approval at each stage.) Go »Week from Hell
It's my first week as manager, but there's no time for a honeymoon. On Monday, I got zero sleep the night before, and ran on fumes the whole day. Tuesday was spent almost entirely managing a single project and letting other fires burn. Go »
Lori Lancaster | November 4, 2012
[hidden by author request]