As an honor to Brenda, we got her some plants for the house and lawn. Nice plants. All now dead from neglect. It really doesn't take long to go from that nursery look of health and heartiness to something that a starving rabbit wouldn't touch. I don't have a picture of the actual plants but these are reasonable facsimiles. I looked at the plants and gave Brenda the official Dr. Brown Thumb diagnosis: Rosenplantz and Guildenfern are dead.


Four Replies to Mother's Day Gifts

Scott Hardie | June 1, 2011
Next year, plastic plants? If she manages to do the same thing to those...

Erik Bates | June 1, 2011
[hidden by author request]

Chris Lemler | June 1, 2011
How about baseball tickets to a game.

Jackie Mason | June 11, 2011
[hidden by author request]


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Police Dogs

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: How was your day? Me: It was going so well until I got chased by a police dog. Brenda: Oh, sweet lord, why was a police dog chasing you? Go »

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Brenda's Diet Diary

Dear Diet Diary, As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Lauren (what a thoughtful darling), bought me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 40 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio (ooh what a name) who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Go »

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And Justice for All

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: Why are you all wet? Me: I knocked a plant off the kitchen counter. Brenda: The plant got you that wet? Go »