Just In Time For Voting
by Steve West on September 4, 2010

Although I'm partial to the Aaron v. Steve Dunn tête-à-têtes, it seems ironic that UOAS took the opportunity to push for a vote. Despicable.

I had an eclectic shopping list that included a sheet ice cream cake and some matzos to be used as communion wafers. The cake was for a shared birthday celebration and I requested it be decorated with the phrase "Happy Birthday Doug and Richard". It came out as "Happy Birthday Doug and Ricard". I noticed and asked that an "h" be inserted somehow. It came out looking like a rocking chair sitting on top of the "a". I was okay with it and thought it would provide a chuckle at the event.

UOAS rang up my purchases and, of course, had comments.

UOAS: That name is not spelled right - you should take it back.
Me: He actually spells his name that way. He's from France.
UOAS: Really?
Me: No, not really. He's actually a big Psycho fan. It'll look like the final "Mother" scene when we stick a big kitchen knife in it to cut it up.
UOAS: Psycho?
Me: You know, Norman Bates? Alfred Hitchcock? Tony Perkins?
UOAS: The Chipmunks?
Me: Exactly.

(On seeing the matzos) UOAS: I don't think I've ever sold these before.
Me: We're serving Communion at church tomorrow and this is what we use along with the grape juice (further down the belt).
UOAS: (spying the Sausalito cookies) Are those cookies for Communion too?
Me As a matter of fact they are. For those members who have a Communion sweet tooth.
UOAS: (bewildered pause)
Me: We're a pretty progressive church.

When, oh when, will she move to say Nebraska? Maybe I will.

Six Replies to Just In Time For Voting

Amy Austin | September 6, 2010
That's it. I'm convinced UOAS is fictional.

Matthew Preston | September 6, 2010
What? No! Finding out UOAS is fictional would be like the day I found out Kit from Knight Rider wasn't real.

Steve West | September 6, 2010
Isn't it sad when some people are that goofy that you can't believe they're real? The older I get, I'm getting that more and more with the younger people I work with when making references to music or films from my teen-age years. Although in her defense(!), I think she may have been attempting a joke. It was just delivered pretty lamely. She's definitely real.

Scott Hardie | September 6, 2010
I think the Internet is doing it to people, especially younger people. We were just talking about this with the double rainbow guy. So many things turn out to be fake these days that distrust has become default. Me, I like a good story either way.

Aaron Shurtleff | September 6, 2010
God, Matthew! It's KITT! It stands for Knight Industries Two Thousand!! Get it right!!!

And he's real!!!

Amy Austin | September 7, 2010
LOL!!!

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Shaken And Stirred Too For Good Measure

Semi-bizarre gallery devoted to people shaking their faces, having any loose skin flop around, and photographing the results. Go »

The Green Thing

While checking out at the grocery, I overheard the young cashier suggest to an older woman in front of me, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my early days.” The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Go »

Commercial Parodies

I've heard the phrase, "Yeah, that's when Saturday Night Live was funny." It's always been funny to me. Here are 18 clips of their best commercial parodies including Colon Blow cereal, Taco Town, and Homocil. Go »

Is This A Country Song Or What?

Playing a country song backwards, as the old joke goes, and your wife comes back, your dog is alive again, and your trucks rolls over onto its wheels. The Mickster has got it bad in Oscar week as his beloved chihuahua died in his arms. Not to make fun of what must have been a horrible event, but did he really need to display his mourning by attending a New York fashion show the very next day? Go »

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

At 11:00 a.m., Brenda called me from the school where she works and told me that she had fallen and was unable to drive home. She needed me to 1) find a second driver for her car, 2) come get her and take her to urgent care and 3) make sure that Olivia is taken care of when she arrives home in an hour. Go »

Durante Made A Living With That Nose

I really wish it were talent alone that made actors succeed in Hollywood. But (big shocker) looks and "who knows whom" still co-reigns with ability. Some individuals succeed without perfect looks and even with somewhat flawed looks. Go »